The Fragile Memoir
by Depths of Silence
Summary: "… I just wanted to find peace. I ended up finding you." Bucky said, "You're my mission." He was a killer not a savior. He was unworthy. He was the ghost of a horror story. Yet he had a promise to keep. A mission to complete. A fragile memoir to hold on to. (Bucky x OC) [Follows CA: The Winter Soldier]
1. We Do Not Remember Days, But Moments

**Disclaimer:** _Depths of Silence_ owns nothing. All _Depths of Silence_ owns are the unknown characters.

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 **The Fragile Memoir**

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 **Summary**

"The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared."

Lois Lowry, _The Giver_.

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 **Chapter I**

 _"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get."_

– Forrest Gump

That was a lovely day; pleasant and charming in its entire splendour. The sky was clear, free of any sorrowful clouds, and the sun was lustrous in all its magnificence.

That was a day that did not match the anguish and affliction of the moment.

Tears cascaded like rapids, sobs echoed like thunder. Shoulders were shaking like earthquakes, a wail screamed louder than an explosion. White petals flew in the air, waltzing with the breathing of the wind before settling down on the sea of verdant grass.

A slow breath escaped a pair of dry, pink lips. Hazel eyes watched as a coffin disappeared into the earth, completely covered by dozens of white carnations. The deafening silence was cut sharply by a loud howl of grief for a moment before all went still once more.

As shovels began throwing dirt over the coffin, the small group of people dressed in black slowly began turning around. The silence increased tenfold regardless of the men busy covering the coffin, crushing the innocent white flowers the same way hearts were breaking under the heavy misery.

In a matter of minutes only a figure stood facing a fresh grave. Trembling, the woman bent down on her knees, and extended a hand. Gently, she placed a white camellia and a small bouquet of forget-me-nots down on top of the pile of brown earth and green grass.

The breeze sang as one lonely tear rolled down a pallid cheek.

For what resembled to an eternity, the woman continued crouched down in front of the grave, arms folded against her chest as if seeking for warmth. The wind kept caressing the petals of the camellia and forget-me-not while kissing away the forgotten tear.

Dropping her eyes, the woman let out a shaky breath.

"I love you..." she whispered, voice hoarse, throat tight. Raising a hand to her lips, she kissed the tip of her fingers before pressing them on the flowers' petals. Then, she slowly stood up, eyes dropping as her vision blurred. Tears threatened to fall as she forced herself to turn around, and walk away.

It was only then that she realised she was the only one there.

Closing her eyes, she started walking towards the stoned ground, away from the grave. Her heart felt heavy, her legs moving almost against her will as they led her away from the person she loved the most. Her mind was empty, her inner voice long dead.

She barely even acknowledged the fact she had just reached her car until she was walking right past it.

With a sigh, she reached out for her purse, and searched for her car keys with trembling hands. Fresh tears clouded her vision as she took longer to find the keys, and nearly cried out in frustration when she dropped them.

Biting her lower lip, she unlocked the door, and slid inside, immediately pressing her head against the headrest. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath, and fought back the urge to just breakdown and cry.

That was also the moment her mobile phone started to vibrate.

Opening her eyes, she once more reached out for her purse, and found the offending object. One look at the screen told her who it was, and she immediately answered the call.

"Hey..." she whispered, closing her eyes as a male voice answered her back. The little strength she had to push back tears faded away as she heard the man speaking. "I wish you were here..."

Her eyes scanned the blue sky, her heart too heavy for her to continue observing the grass and graves she could still see from where her car was parked. Sniffing, she wiped the rolling tears from her sticky cheeks, and tried to take comfort in the voice that was still speaking on the other side of the line.

"How long will it take for you to get here?" she asked, struggling to keep the tremor away from her voice. A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips, "Okay... I'll see you soon."

There was a pause.

"Be safe."

After whispering a goodbye, she put the mobile phone away and rested both her hands on the wheel. She was about to turn the engine on when her mobile phone started to vibrate again. Looking down at it since it was now lying on the seat next to her she saw yet again another familiar face.

She was about to reach out for it when something caught her eye. Looking at the open space in front of her car, she watched as a dark figure emerged from behind a tree before sitting down, back towards it. For a moment, she just observed him. She could see it was a man due to his figure but he had long hair, which was bellowing at the wind.

It was a strange sight, one which did not meet the fluorescent day, though it did match her feelings. He was a dark, tempestuous sight in the middle of such dazzling day.

Tearing her eyes away from the scene, she took a long, deep breath, and finally turned the car on. Stealing one last glance in direction of the cemetery, she forced herself to drive away, never looking back.

As she left the cemetery's premises, she saw her mobile phone flashing as it vibrated again. Glancing sideways at it, she saw the same familiar face, and reached out for the phone. Pulling the car to a stop, she cleared her throat before answering the call.

"Hey Agent 13..." she greeted the other woman, trying to conceal the tiredness that was beginning to roll off of her.

" _How does a gigantic chocolate ice cream and a bear hug sound?"_

The concerned note in her friend's voice was enough to make her wince regardless of the question that was asked.

"I'm sorry, I'm...I'm not really in the mood." she answered back, after a few seconds of silence rolled by, "But thank you."

" _Don't thank me. I just don't want you to be alone."_

A watery smile appeared on her face as she listened to her friend.

"Sharon..." she breathed out, her grip on her mobile phone unconsciously getting stronger as her whole body began to shake. Fresh tears clouded her vision, and she chewed on her lower lip for a moment. "...Thank you."

" _Listen, I'll meet you at your place in half an hour, all right? I just need to clear some things at work, and I'm on my way. And don't tell me I don't have to, because I do, and I will."_

"Okay..." she whispered back, "Thank you."

" _I'll see you soon."_

With a nod and a quick goodbye, she turned her mobile phone off, and started the engine again after putting it away. With slow movements, she started driving, her mind immediately going back to the most recent events.

One by one memories began flooding her mind, and her grip on the steering wheel amplified. Her rock was gone, her last solace had disappeared. Her heart shook at that, and for a split of a second she wondered about what she should do.

 _Smile for me._

A shaky sigh escaped her lips as a familiar voice echoed in her ears, and she had to stop herself from closing her eyes. Instead, she focused on driving until she eventually reached her street. After parking, and making sure she took her keys while still inside the car, she left the vehicle without even looking at where she was going.

Hitting with her foot on the sidewalk, she nearly fell off, wincing as she felt her toes aching at the sudden impact. Hissing under her breath, she walked up the small stairs that lead to the main door of the building before opening.

By the time she reached her door, she was shocked to find a blonde standing in the middle of the hallway.

"Hey Lizzie…" she greeted with a small smile before raising a hand that was holding a white plastic bag, "Managed to sneak out earlier. I also ended up buying that ice cream I told you about."

"Sharon…" Elizabeth Holmes de Carvalho stopped her tracks, but before she could say something else, her friend approached her. Two arms pulled her into a tight hug, and tears immediately welled up, "Thank you for coming."

"There's no need for that," Sharon reassured her as she broke the embrace, and looked at her friend in the eye. "C'mon, let's get you home."

Half an hour later, both girls could be found occupying the sofa in the living room. Elizabeth had long stripped off the black dress she had worn, and was now wearing the most comfortable pajamas she owed. In the middle of the two women was the huge chocolate ice cream Sharon had bought.

"What do you need?" Sharon asked after a few more moments in silence, and Elizabeth snapped from her thoughts to gaze at her. Shaking her head, she glanced down at the spoon she was holding.

"I feel too numb to need anything," she replied, "It's like... I keep waiting for my mum to call me and scold me for working too much..."

Slowly, Sharon put her spoon down, and reached out for Elizabeth's hand. Squeezing her friend's fingers, she tried to smile.

"Are you going back tomorrow?"

"No, I... I asked for a few days off, to take care of everything, and... I just hope they understand..."

"Oh, I believe Stark Industries can survive without you for a few days." Sharon interrupted her, "In fact, I'm sure if your CEO knew the whole story, she would be the first to ask you to take a leave of absence."

Elizabeth put her spoon away as her eyes began to burn.

"She always asked me to smile for her..." Elizabeth mumbled, one tear rolling down her cheek. "She told me to keep smiling, but how can I smile when I feel like my heart has been ripped out? This pain... I always thought we'd share it together but now..."

More tears followed, and Sharon released her hand only to pull her friend into a tight hug. A sob escaped her lips, and Elizabeth tried to take a deep breath. Her face felt hot, the tears burning her cheeks as they fell. Her whole body shook as she tried to stop the pain.

"It's okay. You can cry all you want..." Sharon ran her fingers through Elizabeth's curls, "Do you want to talk about something else?"

Elizabeth took a deep breath in, and released her friend, Sharon's words sinking in. She knew she should accept her friend's suggestion. She knew the following day was going to be just as worst as the one she was going through on that moment. All Elizabeth needed was to find the strength to try to be normal for a little bit.

"I don't…" Elizabeth paused, trying to come up with something that could distract her even if just for a few minutes, "How's your neighbor?"

"He isn't my neighbor anymore." Sharon informed her, understanding about whom Elizabeth was referring to. "And I haven't exactly kept contact with him ever since S.H.I.E.L.D. collapsed."

"But you wish you had, don't you?" Elizabeth asked, and Sharon rolled her eyes.

"He was an assignment."

"No, he was Captain America." Elizabeth corrected her. "One of these days we'll have to do something about that. In fact, I think I know just the way to do it–"

"Oh don't you dare!" Sharon threatened her, finally drawing a small, shaky laugh out of Elizabeth's lips. Sharon's own lips curled upwards in success at the sight. "Anyway, I was thinking about crashing here for the night. What do you think?"

"You don't have to do that, Sharon. I'm fine…" Elizabeth told her, and Sharon shrugged before dipping her spoon on the chocolate delicacy once more.

"I know," she said before taking a bite, "But I want to."

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At eight in the morning, both Elizabeth and Sharon could be found parking by the cemetery. The atmosphere was heavy, a sheer contrast with the glowing sun and clear sky. The warmth was welcomed, but it was easily dismissed as both women paused at the entrance.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Sharon asked as she turned to Elizabeth, who turned her head to face her friend. "Really, let me just make a couple of phone calls, and I'm sure I can stay here with you for a while."

"Thank you, but I'm fine. I promise." Elizabeth reassured her friend, "Besides, you have to go visit your aunt. I'll just stay here for a while, and then I'll go home."

"If you're certain..." Sharon trailed off before reaching out for her friend, and hug her tightly, "I'll call you later."

"Thank you..."

Slowly, Sharon released Elizabeth, and with one last, encouraging smile, turned around, and walked away. Chewing on her lower lip, Elizabeth turned to face the cemetery again, and took a deep breath. As she closed her hands into tight fists, she began descending the stairs.

Her eyes began tearing up as she went through the same path she had walked the day before. This time, she was all alone, and tears quickly began to roll down her cheeks. They felt like fire against her skin, and the sunlight seemed to burn her skin.

Too soon for her liking, Elizabeth found herself facing one lonely grave.

The name _Grace_ _Holmes_ looked back at her.

Elizabeth felt her core tremble. Her whole body seemed to lose its strength as she fell to her knees, vision blurring as more tears threatened to fall. Raising a shaky hand, Elizabeth reached out for the camellia and forget-me-nots that were resting against the headstone.

"I miss you so much..." she sobbed, hands on her legs as she continued to cry, "I wish you were here..."

Silence grew as Elizabeth's body rocked. The wind blew, rustling the trees, dancing with the grass. Her heart ached. Her whole soul was in pain. Grace Holmes, beloved mother, brilliant Biomedical Scientist. She had always been a indomitable woman, who had revealed an exceptional strength after her son had passed away on a mission.

Elizabeth felt the corner of her lips curling upwards into a small smile.

"I remember you telling me to smile," she asked all of a sudden, voice quivering, wet eyes on the headstone. "I–I'm going to do my best. I'll be the best doctor in the world. I'll make you and big brother proud..."

Something rustled behind her, and Elizabeth looked over her shoulder as she trailed off. All she saw was a black shadow before a gloved hand appeared before her eyes.

 **To Be Continued…**

 **Authoress Note:** Hello everyone! So, this is my first _Captain America_ story. Some of the pairings you will find here are Bucky x OC and Steve x Sharon (Peggy will be mentioned too). There will be some well-known characters showing up as well such as Tony, Natasha, and even Wanda. I hope you guys give me a chance to show you this story. Constructive comments are most welcome! Thank you for everything!


	2. He Who is Not Courageous Enough

**Disclaimer:** I own absolutely nothing, only the unknown characters.

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A special thanks to _tate4eva_ for everything!

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 **Chapter II**

 _He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life._

– Muhammad Ali

Things seemed to happen in slow motion although she was pretty certain everything happened in a blink of an eye.

One minute she was standing in front of her mother's grave, thinking about the future. One the following minute, there was a hand wrapped around her neck, her legs dangling off the ground. Her lungs were burning, her lips parted in a desperate attempt to find air.

Her eyes fell upon her assailant's face, but all her brain could register was his long, dark hair. Her hands found his wrist, but when she tried pressing her nails against his skin, she realized he was wearing something hard underneath the long sleeve making her attempt to hurt him a failure.

That was when his eyes turned to her.

"You're a doctor."

His comment was faint, and it barely reached her ringing ears. Gasping, she tried to do something to make him release her, but it was futile. It was almost as if he could not feel her fingers pressing against his arm. His hard eyes continued locked with her face, and he spoke once more.

"You're a doctor."

She tried to reply, but her voice was dead in his almost lethal grip. Nodding slightly, she tried to answer him with her head. Still, he must have understood because his grip on her throat diminished, and she hastily suck in a long, deep breath.

"You are going to help me," he ordered without looking away from her eyes. "Don't think about running away or I will shoot you."

Elizabeth glanced downwards at her mother's grave, her whole body shaking as the man stared her down. All of a sudden, the man released her, causing Elizabeth to stagger backwards, her hands now on her neck. Gasping for air, she looked up at the stranger.

"What... What do you want?" Elizabeth asked, lowering her hands. The man's eyes kept staring at her with such an intensity she felt her whole body shudder. "What do you need?"

The man simply continued staring her down. Even though she was shaking, she could not help but notice his stance. Military. He was definitely military, which caused her whole body to shake even more.

"Look, I promise I won't run away." Elizabeth decided to say, goosebumps covering her naked arms, "Just tell me what you need, and I'll... I'll try to help you."

"I need you to stop the voices."

Elizabeth blinked at that order. Yes, because the way he had spoken left no space for a request. Besides, she could easily see how tense he was. Still, despite his stance and blank facial expression, she could not help but think of a frightened animal. He was defensive not because she could do him any harm, but because he needed to protect himself.

"All right, all right, I can try, but you really need to calm down." Elizabeth nearly implored, slowly raising both her hands in front of her chest, "Please..."

Their eyes connected, and Elizabeth's breath got stuck in her throat when he frowned. Looking down, the man observed his hands, closing them into fists as he seemed to ponder about her request.

However, before Elizabeth could release the breath she was holding, the man reached out for his back pocket, and drew a gun. Her whole body froze, but she could hear her heart in her ears. The wind blew harder, throwing locks of hair in front of her eyes, but Elizabeth did not even dare to try pushing them away.

"Please, don't..." Elizabeth whispered, and the man narrowed his eyes.

"Stop the voices." the man ordered again, and Elizabeth felt her heart drop to her stomach. His eyes were vacant, his whole body tense with strictness. Elizabeth forced herself to take a deep breath, and try to come up with something, anything, that could stop the man from killing her right there and then.

"All right, all right..." she mumbled, not really knowing if she was trying to calm the man or herself down. Inwardly, she tried to come up with something that could stop him from going into a rage and kill her without even blinking. "What's wrong with the voices? I mean... What are they saying?"

The man's jaw clenched in vehemence, and Elizabeth nearly panicked. She truly hoped, prayed even, that he would not just snap and attack her.

"I want you to make them stop." the man commanded, his grip on the gun increasing tenfold, and Elizabeth swallowed hard. "Make them go away."

"I can't make them go away if I don't know what they're saying." Elizabeth said, a little too quickly, and she licked her lips in nervousness, never daring to break the eye-contact with the man. "Just... Just tell me what they're telling you."

There was a moment of silence. The man's eyes narrowed and Elizabeth took in a shaky breath, feeling her whole body tremble as oxygen slowly filled her lungs. She was going to die. Heavens, she was going to die in the middle of the cemetery, beside her mother's grave…

"I need a mission."

Elizabeth blinked at the comment. The man was staring straight at her, face blank, and hard, unemotional eyes. The dark stubble he had made him look even more intimidating while his whole body grew even more strained and inflexible.

A mission? He needed a mission?

Who on earth was he?

"Okay, a mission... I can try... No, I don't..." Elizabeth forced herself to stop stuttering, and bit her lower lip for a second. "Let's start with something simple; what's your name?"

The silence that followed was even longer than the last one. Even in her state, Elizabeth could see bewilderment flash in the man's eyes, disorientation written all over his face for a split of a second before it faded away into nothingness. That was when the gun was suddenly pointed at her.

Elizabeth could swear her heart had stopped beating.

"Listen, I'm just trying to help..." she tried to say, hands in the air, "It's just... It would be easier if you... It can be a fake name... I don't really care. I'm Elizabeth..."

The man's eyes narrowed again.

"I just... I would just like to call you something..." Elizabeth knew she sounded like an idiot, who clearly had no idea about what she was doing. All of a sudden, she heard a click as the man gave one step forward, closer to her. Involuntarily, Elizabeth gave one step backwards, and tried to come up with an idea. "What are the voices telling you right now?"

"I should kill you."

His answer, straight and ruthless, caused her to stop moving. The gun was still pointing at her, never wavering.

"I know you can kill me..." Elizabeth agreed with him, "But you just said you wanted me to help you with the voices. I won't be able to do that if you shoot me."

The man paused, and Elizabeth pressed on.

"We can even go someplace else." she suggested, and the man blinked at that. Slowly, too slowly in Elizabeth's opinion, he lowered the gun, his eyes never leaving her face. It was almost as if he was studying her, observing her every move, trying to grasp the smallest of all lies. As if she could lie to him when he was pointing a weapon at her…

That was when Elizabeth lowered her hands, and suddenly realized her mistake. She saw something flash in the man's eyes. Terror filled her when fury consumed his face.

"Yes, let's go somewhere else." he said.

Then he pulled the trigger.

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Her ears were ringing. Her heart was racing. Her palms were sweaty. She wanted to cry, to scream, to trash. Instead, she was standing, shaking, and fighting back tears as the man stood next to her, completely motionless. People were walking around them, barely paying attention to what they were doing.

Elizabeth herself did not know what they were doing in the Smithsonian, but it was not as if she cared. Her mind was focused on what had happened at the cemetery, when the man next to her had pretended to shoot her by firing a bullet to the spot beside her right foot.

Elizabeth closed her hands into fists, feeling her whole body shaking as she struggled to control her emotions. Taking a deep breath, she tried to look as composed as possible under the circumstances. She could not risk anyone noticing that something was wrong with a supposedly ordinary-looking couple.

"What...?" Elizabeth paused, her heart racing against her rib cage, her mouth suddenly parched, "What are we doing here?"

The man did not answer her. Instead, he grasped her wrist, and led her through the mass. Elizabeth followed him, but paid no attention to where they were going. She needed to find a way to escape, but there was simply no way to do it. Not without possibly endangering the lives of those around them.

"Please..." Elizabeth heard herself whisper, and she felt the man tense up at her request. Still, he kept on walking, dragging her as he went. "Just tell me what you need..."

"Be quiet." the man immediately responded, his body tensing up when two little boys nearly crashed into him as they chased one another.

"There was no need to pretend to shoot me..." Elizabeth tried to say, and she looked down when she felt his grip on her wrist grow even stronger, "I doubt I'd be able to run away from you."

All of a sudden the man halted his steps, and Elizabeth walked right into him. Gasping, she quickly gave one step backwards, and looked at him. Her lips parted, but before she could speak, she saw him raise his head, eyes unfocused as he looked at something in front of him.

Confusedly, she followed his gaze.

Her eyes widened.

In front of her was the short biography dedicated to James Buchanan Barnes, a soldier of the 107th Infantry and the childhood friend of Steve Rogers. Elizabeth knew who he was. Her brother had told her tales about the Howling Commandos. Dum Dum Dungan had been his favorite Howling Commando.

"Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country." Elizabeth heard the Smithsonian narrator say through the stereo speakers. The man next to her shifted, and Elizabeth turned to him. She knew she was hyperventilating as soon as her eyes fell on his face, and what a comical duo they probably looked like.

He was tense, face vacant, eyes barely covered by the baseball cap he was wearing. He was stiff as a board, his strong hand still wrapped around her wrist, stopping her from running away. And then there was Elizabeth herself, with her clammy hands, sweat and tremors. She knew she needed to calm down, and since there was no paper bag around, all she could do was hold her breath. The problem was that she had to be comfortable for it to work.

So, she decided to use another tactic.

"Did... Do you know who that is?"

People talked loudly. A group of adolescents walked around them as they cheered and laughed. Some were even taking selfies. Children were running around, some dressed as Captain America, others dressed as soldiers.

"... Me."

Elizabeth blinked once, twice, three times as his low voice tickled her ears. Glancing at the short biography of Sergeant Barnes, she looked at the date written underneath his name, and turned to the man again. Her heart was still hammering against her chest, her mouth parched.

What was she supposed to say to that?

"...The voices..." the man paused as he studied at the photo of a soldier who looked just like him, "... He said my name was Bucky."

"Who said that?" Elizabeth asked as she continued looking at him. His eyes no longer looked as empty as a speck of misery reflected in his light blue eyes. That was when he gazed at something on their left, and Elizabeth followed his gaze.

A picture of a scrawny young man looked back at them.

"Was it Captain America?" Elizabeth dared to ask, and she felt something shift in the air. Slowly, the man turned his head to look at her, their eyes locking. Loneliness seemed to emanate from him now just like the speck of wretchedness in his eyes seemed to be turning his look into something darker and shadowy.

It looked as if he was fighting some of his demons right there in the middle of the Smithsonian.

"Hey..." Elizabeth whispered, hand twitching as she wondered if touching him was a good idea. He was already grasping her wrist tighter than before, but for some reason it looked as if he needed help to snap from whatever trance he was in. Licking her lips, she shifted closer to him, "Listen, I can... If you want me to help you, you'll have to talk to me..."

Yes, because she really did not know what to think about the whole situation. That man had just said he was Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, whose short biography clearly indicated he had passed away in 1944. A man, who apparently had no idea of who he was, but knew who Captain Steve Rogers was...

"Listen, we..." Elizabeth paused, bit her lower lip, and then took a deep breath. Raising her free hand, she tried to ignore her shaky fingers, and was about to touch his arm when she stopped. Looking down at her trembling hand, she lowered her arm again, and swallowed hard. "Let's leave. I... We need to talk a little about your voices and about you saying you're Sergeant James Barnes, and..."

And then what? She was not even qualified to be doing that. Elizabeth could see that he was an unstable man with an identity crisis. How was she supposed to help him? How was she supposed to help herself?

All of a sudden, her mobile phone started ringing. Elizabeth froze when the man snapped from his reverie, his eyes hard and emotionless once more. Without blinking, he yanked her even closer to him, causing Elizabeth to stumble on her own feet at the unexpected pull.

"You're my mission." he spoke all of a sudden, voice low and dangerous. Elizabeth felt her heartbeat accelerate once again, "What is your name?"

"Elizabeth Holmes de Carvalho," Elizabeth said automatically, and the man's eyes narrowed. For a long period of time, they just stood there, in front of James Buchanan Barnes' biography, feeling and listening as people surrounded them.

Then, the man tilted his head to the side, his dark stubble offering him an even gloomier expression.

"Portuguesa?"

Elizabeth's eyes widened in both surprise and awe.

"Sim," she immediately answered, her mother tongue escaping her lips effortlessly. However, as soon as she replied, she felt him shutting down. Her mobile phone started ringing again. "Listen, let me just answer this. It might be my friend. She probably just wants to make sure I'm all right, and then we can go anywhere you want. Please, just give me one minute..."

He blinked, and looked at her. The moment between him looking at her before nodding resembled to an eternity, but Elizabeth still let out a breath of relief when he agreed. Immediately, she reached out for her back pocket, and grabbed her mobile phone.

Her heart jolted when Sharon's voice echoed from the other side of the line.

"Hey Sharon." she greeted, trying to keep her voice from breaking, "I'm not at home yet."

Elizabeth looked away from the man's face as she listened to Sharon. All her friend wanted was to make sure she was all right. Apparently another chocolate ice cream was in order, and Elizabeth had to stop herself from smiling feebly at her friend's antics. Sharon truly did not want her to feel alone.

"No, I'm okay. Really," Elizabeth reassured Sharon, her eyes turning to the man next to her. He was looking at Sergeant Barnes biography again. "I promise I'll call you as soon as I get home, ok?"

With that said, Elizabeth forced herself to end the call. Grasping her mobile phone in her hand, she took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. She truly wanted to scream, for having been put in a situation she definitely did not want to be in. But instead she simply chewed on her lower lip, and tried to clear her head.

It was only then that she turned to the man beside her, who was looking at her, and made up her mind.

"You said I was your mission, right?" she asked, but she did not wait for an answer before continuing, "Then that means you're my mission. Let's find out who you are."

And then Elizabeth did the only thing she could think of while trying to ignore the craziness of it all; she took a strange man with no memory, who could easily kill her barehanded to the only place she could think of.

Her home.

 **To Be Continued…**

 **Vocabulary**

 _Portuguesa?_ – Portuguese?

 _Sim_ – Yes.


	3. Fear is Only as Deep as the Mind Allows

**Disclaimer:** I own absolutely nothing aside from the unknown characters.

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A special thanks to _tate4eva_ and _Eserechia_!

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 **Chapter III**

 _Fear is only as deep as the mind allows._

– **Japanese Proverb**

She wondered what she should call her current situation. Yes, because crazy did not seem enough to cut it.

When she had left the Smithsonian, she had thought about trying to catch someone's attention to what was happening to her. The hand around her wrist forced her to think otherwise. Then, she had pondered about the possibility of taking him somewhere public, but after remembering him with the gun, she put that idea aside.

Taking him to her house was the only option left, though most definitely not the safest.

Heavens, she was going to get herself killed...

Slowly, Elizabeth opened the front door of her house before stepping aside. Five fingers were still tightly wrapped around her wrist, causing her to move a little awkwardly, but she did her best to ignore it. Raising her free hand, with which she was still grasping her keys, she motioned for him to walk inside.

"Err... Come in." she told him, but he simply stared at her. Biting her lower lip, she walked inside first, somewhat pulling him along. He followed her in silence, making no noise against the wooden floor. During the whole walk to her house, he had looked like a ghost. She could not even hear him breathe although he was standing so close to her.

That was simply another thing that irked her nerves.

However, despite his murderous stance and blank expression, there was something so fragile about him. Maybe it was the way he simply refused to let go off her. Or perhaps it had to do with what she had seen at the cemetery. He was exuding power and strength, not because he was afraid she could hurt him, but because he was a frightened man, who needed to protect himself at all costs.

"You can sit anywhere you want." Elizabeth told him since the hallway was also her living room. He still refused to release her, "Or I can sit with you, if you'd like."

As she spoke, she led him towards the black leather sofa, and sat down. He, on the other hand, continued standing, never releasing her wrist, never diminishing his grip on her. Biting the interior of her cheek, she gently tried to pull her arm down.

"It's okay," she reassured him, "You can sit down."

After observing her for a moment, he finally did what she asked. He sat on the opposite side of the sofa, so that their hands were resting in the middle of the cushions. A new wave of silence rolled by, causing goose bumps to run up Elizabeth's arms. She really did not know what to do, especially with a pair of clear, blue and empty eyes studying her every move.

She needed to come up with something and fast.

"So, hmm... When we were at the Smithsonian, you said you were... Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes..." she was treading dangerous waters. She could feel it, lurking around, scratching her whole body as she tried to figure out what to think and what to do, "Why do you think that?"

"…The voices…" the man said after thinking about her question, "And that man… I knew him, and he… He called me Bucky…"

"Captain America?" Elizabeth offered, and the man narrowed his eyes, looking away for a moment before shaking his head.

"I don't think that's his name…" he observed, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and Elizabeth watched his face before tilting her head to the side.

"Steven Rogers?" she tried out and the man looked at her before blinking. Slowly, all confusion written on his face faded away into emptiness.

"Maybe…"

Elizabeth felt something within her shift at the look in his eyes. He looked so haunted, so lost that it was impossible for her not to want to do something regardless of the apprehension she was feeling. Looking down at his hand on her wrist, she carefully tried to pull her arm away. When his grip increased, she looked at his face. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he probably was not even aware of his reaction.

"Can…" Elizabeth took a deep breath, "Can I hold your hand?"

A speck of uncertainty flashed on his face, and he looked down. He seemed to stare at his fingers wrapped around her wrist, but he loosened his grip after a few seconds. Biting her lower lip, Elizabeth lightly pulled her arm, and entwined her fingers with his. She could feel the calluses and the strength pulsating against her skin, but did her best to ignore that sensation.

"So, should I call you… Bucky?" she asked, looking into his eyes again. "I mean, I have to call you something, don't I?"

"… No."

Elizabeth blinked at his answer.

"No?" she repeated in confusion, "But you said…"

"…That might be my name…" the man proceeded in a low, baritone voice, a frown on his face, "…but it can't be."

"Why not?" Elizabeth asked, and to her surprise, the man released her hand. Narrowing her eyes, Elizabeth did not even bother to retreat her arm as she watched him unhurriedly move a hand towards the zipper of his jacket.

Carefully, the man pulled the zipper down, revealing a black t-shirt. Then, he started taking the jacket off, and Elizabeth felt her breathe get stuck on her throat when her eyes fell upon his left arm. That was a cybernetic implant, which seemed to be partially mechanical. For a split of a second, Elizabeth could not help but think about how thrilled her brother would have been if he had had the opportunity to see that arm. However, that thought faded away as she realized how familiar that arm looked like.

As she took in every detail of his left arm, her eyes settled upon the red star imprinted on the arm. Panic and terror engulfed her when she did.

Immediately, Elizabeth stood up from the sofa, and gave one step backwards. Yes, taking that man to her house had been the worst idea ever. And she knew some people who would kill her for doing something so stupid.

"… You're the Winter Soldier." Elizabeth gasped, and the man stared at her not fully grasping the meaning behind her words. Also, he made no motion to stand up or even reach out for her. He simply continued sitting on her sofa behaving as if he was not the main character of a ghost story.

Then again, he probably did not even realise the fear he could install even by doing nothing.

"Yes." he calmly responded, never breaking the eye contact, never losing the poignant look on his eyes. Unconsciously, Elizabeth looked around her living-room. She had a weapon, but it was inside the drawer of her bedside table. Besides, she doubted she would be able to use it even if she tried to.

"You're being hunted." Elizabeth commented, ignoring the way both her throat and mouth had gone dry. "You're being hunted, and I've just brought you to my house. Oh crap, this… This is crazy…"

"I'm not going to hurt you." Elizabeth felt her heart skip a beat at that sudden statement. Closing her mouth, she watched as the man rested his elbows on his legs, never blinking, never looking away from her face. "You're the only person who can be sure of that."

Elizabeth felt her legs wobble at that pronouncement. Without being able to move, she fell on her knees, her blood ringing in her ears. Forcing herself to take a long breath, she looked down at the wrist he had held onto until a few minutes ago.

"Why?"

It took her a moment to realise she had asked that question.

"… Because you're my mission." the man told her matter-of-factly, "You're going to help me with the voices."

Elizabeth closed her eyes at that. Yes, she had promised she would help him, but that had been before she had found out who he was. She had been afraid before, but now she was downright terrified even though he had pretty much promised he would not kill her.

She had reached a dead end.

"… Yeah…" she whispered after swallowing hard, "You're my mission, too."

If things were difficult before, they had just become impossible with her finding out that instead of a madman, she was housing the most wanted man in all United States of America.

* * *

Elizabeth remembered the leaked files. She remembered Natasha Romanoff's appearance before the Senate subcommittee, where she had freely spoken about the secret members of S.H.I.E.L.D. She also recalled the files that spoke of a ghost, a shadow that many feared and dreaded. Elizabeth knew that up until recently most of the intelligence community did not believe he existed.

Yet there he was now, HYDRA's killing machine, sitting in her living-room, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

How she had managed not to make the connection before she did not know.

Elizabeth grasped the sink, and felt her arms shake while her knuckles turned white. She honestly had no idea of what to do. She could not risk calling anyone, and she prayed no one decided to check up on her. Thankfully the only two people who could eventually come knocking on her door were far too busy to do so.

Elizabeth simply did not want to risk anyone's lives. Not when she could do something about it.

Closing her eyes, Elizabeth took a deep breath, and slowly released it. Then, there was the fact he had gone to her of all people. She wondered how he had known she was a doctor. He had showed up from thin air, and immediately gone to her, and...

A gasp escaped her lips, and she opened her eyes wide.

 _I remember you telling me to smile. I–I'm going to do my best. I'll be the best doctor in the world. I'll make you and big brother proud..._

Could it be possible that he had been at the cemetery? Could it be that he had been close enough to hear her talking? Faintly, a dark figure emerging from behind a tree rose from the back of her mind, and Elizabeth's heart skipped a beat.

"What are you doing?"

Crying out in surprise, Elizabeth leaped in the air before twirling around. She would have crashed into the man that haunted her thoughts had he not taken one step backwards at her reaction. Pressing a hand against her chest, Elizabeth felt her heart hammering against her ribs, her breathing elaborated from the fright.

"Don't do that!" she scolded before she realized what she was doing. "You scared me half to death!"

He stared blankly at her for a moment before tilting his head slightly to the side. Then, he gave another step backwards, and for a split of a second Elizabeth wondered if that was his way of giving her some space.

Closing her right, shaky hand into a fist, Elizabeth turned her back to him again. What had she been trying to do before? Oh, right, tea. She was going to prepare some tea, preferably one that could take care of her anxiety symptoms. Chamomile sounded lovely.

The problem was that she still could feel his strong presence right behind her, and that was throwing her off.

"Hum... So, we never really got to decide what I should call you." Elizabeth said as she poured water into the kettle. After turning it on, she unhurriedly turned to face the man, and took a deep breath. "You told me your name was Bucky. I think we should start with that."

"You believe me?" the note of relief in his voice did not go unnoticed. His eyes, big and empty, were observing her every move, almost as if expecting her to change her mind all of a sudden.

Elizabeth shrugged her right shoulder.

"I think it's a start." she responded, "I can't really keep calling you Winter Soldier."

Behind her, water began to boil, and Elizabeth turned to it, turning off the kettle before reaching out for two cups. Pausing, she wondered if he would accept it, but inwardly pushed that doubt aside. Picking up both cups, she put them on the counter before reaching out for the tea.

After placing the tea bags inside, and pouring the water, Elizabeth turned to the man behind her. He was still standing in the middle of the kitchen, looking too big and too out of place. A sense of empathy emerged from the pit of her stomach, and Elizabeth grabbed a cup before handing it to him.

"It's tea," she clarified when he stared down at it, making no motion to grab it. "It's chamomile. I forgot to ask if you like it. I can give you sugar too, if you'd like. Or honey. You just have to ask."

He still did not move. He did not blink either.

Elizabeth inwardly wondered if that moment was really plain weird or if it was just her imagination.

Chewing on her lower lip, Elizabeth walked past him towards the small table behind him. Gently, she put the cup down before extending a hand towards him. This time, she hesitated for half a second before wrapping her fingers gently around his wrist.

"Come. It will help you relax."

"I don't know how to relax, and even if I did, I wouldn't."

"Why?" Elizabeth asked as she carefully pulled him towards the closest chair, and motioned for him to sit down. Releasing his wrist, she grabbed her own cup before occupying the other chair. He still did not sit down nor did he try to reach for his tea.

"I might kill you if I do."

Elizabeth tried not to choke on her drink as she had been sipping on it when he spoke. The way he mentioned killing came out so easily for him it was far more heartbreaking than bloodcurdling. Especially since he still looked lost and confused…

"Well, you did say you weren't going to hurt me, so..."

"The voices still might disagree."

Posttraumatic stress disorder; he was most likely suffering from PTSD. Then again, could anyone really blame him if he did? Elizabeth had read the file that spoke of multiple mind control methods, and of how HYDRA had him frozen in suspended animation to prevent him from aging after every mission.

Heavens, why could she not remember anything from all those meetings from the support group she had been to?

"Are the voices saying something right now?" Elizabeth asked, both hands wrapped around her cup as a shiver ran up her spine.

"Maybe I shouldn't be here."

"Bucky, I..." all of a sudden, Elizabeth's mobile phone started ringing in the living-room. After glancing at the man, who still refused to sit down, Elizabeth put her cup away and stood up. It was only then that she realized how faint her legs were, but she forced herself to continue walking.

When she reached her mobile phone, she saw a familiar face and her heart skipped a beat.

"Hey!" she greeted, pressing the phone to her ear. "You home already?"

There was a pause, and a faint smile appeared on Elizabeth's face.

"Yeah, I'm sure working with the Captain is tiring, but you love it," she said, before shaking her head. "I'm okay. It's tough, but I'm holding up. I might need a hug or two, though."

There was a moment of silence, and Elizabeth increased her grip on the phone.

"Yeah, I'll be seeing you…" Elizabeth whispered before ending the call. Staring down at her mobile phone for a moment, she put it inside her purse again, and turned around. A yelp escaped her lips when she found herself face to face with James Barnes. "Stop doing that!"

"Who are you?"

The question caught her off guard. Blinking, Elizabeth straightened up, and leaned against the sofa. He decided to press the matter at her silence.

"Who do you work for?"

"I'm not working for anyone. At least not at the moment," Elizabeth replied, trying to ignore the way Bucky's eyes were burning into hers. It was as if he was trying to reach for her core, and find out all the mysteries and lies, "But I am a doctor, and I really want to help you."

"Why?"

Elizabeth tilted her head to the side at that question.

"You kind of became my mission the moment you asked for my help." Elizabeth tried to explain, and the man narrowed his eyes.

"You spoke of a Captain."

"So, you like to eavesdrop."

"No, you were speaking loud enough."

"Touché," Elizabeth tried not to show any sign of indulgence, "Still, I think out of the two of us I'm the only one who has reasons to be worried. I mean, I doubt I'd ever be able to even move a muscle without you tearing my arm apart so..."

"I told you I wasn't going to hurt you."

"Then, stop acting as if you are." Elizabeth shot back before taking a deep breath. Raising an arm, she extended a hand in his direction. "Hello. My name is Elizabeth Holmes de Carvalho, biomedical scientist. Apparently, my latest job involves working directly with the Winter Soldier."

Bucky stared at her as if she had grown two heads. Elizabeth kept her hand extended.

"You're supposed to shake it," she eventually whispered, when Bucky did not move. She had been just about to give up, when he raised his right arm, and his fingers entwined with hers in a handshake. Smiling faintly at his antics, Elizabeth nodded. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I hope we'll get along."

"... You're a strange woman."

Elizabeth chuckled at Bucky's baffled expression.

"Maybe that explains the situation we're in."

Bucky did not reply.

 **To Be Continued…**


	4. What's in a name?

**Disclaimer:** _Depths of Silence_ owns nothing aside from the unknown characters.

* * *

A special thanks to _Eresechia_ and _tate4eva_ for your constant support.

* * *

 **Authoress note:** You know, I have just recently realised that I forgot to inform you all that English is my _second_ language. So, please, forgive any mistakes you might find along the way. Thank you!

* * *

 **Chapter IV**

 _What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet._  
– William Shakespeare

 _I need help._

Elizabeth stared at the three words she had typed on her mobile phone before deleting it. Pressing her head against the palms of her hands, Elizabeth took a long, deep breath. Next to her, her laptop was slowly coming to life. She honestly had no idea of what to do, but one thing was certain; she needed to help Bucky.

Unconsciously, she chewed on her lower lip as a photo of two entwined hands appeared as the background of her screen. It was only then that she glanced sideways at the man who was still standing in the middle of her living-room, observing her every move.

"I was wondering..." she began, deciding to look at Bucky in the eye, "What comes to your mind when I say your name?"

He blinked, not really understanding the question.

"I mean, does anything come to mind?" Elizabeth tried to elaborate as she gesticulated, "A face or perhaps a place?"

"... I remember a scrawny boy… And snow." Bucky eventually told her, and Elizabeth nodded at that. Then, he tilted his head to the side, "Why?"

For a moment, Elizabeth fought with herself before raising a hand towards him. He did not flinch or moved away, but she still felt him tense up at the movement. Recalling the conversation they had had about her not being able to hurt him, Elizabeth reached out for his wrist.

"Come, sit down." she told him, and the tension in his body increased tenfold. Still, he let her pull him closer to the sofa. "It's a little strange for me to be talking to you like this, when the two of us can sit on the sofa."

He did not fight her, and sat down on the opposite side. It was strange, considering that he had had no problem sitting down when they first arrived at her place. Now it was almost as if he was trying to protect her from him.

"I thought that calling you by the name you first mentioned while we were at the Smithsonian could help you." Elizabeth finally answered his question. "I mean, that's who you are, after all."

"... Why do you believe in me?" he asked, and Elizabeth parted her lips only to close her mouth when no word escaped her. She honestly did not know if she should tell him about the files; about the fact that his life was all over the internet.

But how was she supposed to explain without telling him about it?

"Once upon a time," Elizabeth finally started, without looking away from his eyes, "a young woman was invited to enroll at S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Academy of Science and Technology. There she heard about legends, myths, and true stories. One of the stories many students enjoyed whispering about was centered in a figure known only as The Winter Soldier."

Elizabeth paused. Bucky blinked.

"Death followed The Winter Soldier's tale like a shadow, and I think that was one of the reasons why so many students enjoyed talking about it." Elizabeth continued, before shrugging her shoulders. "I guess now most of them are terrified to know that the ghost they used to gossip so much about before is actually real. I guess they would have a heart-attack too, if they had him on their living-room."

"You're afraid."

Elizabeth did not miss the beat.

"Well, you did pretend to shoot me..." Elizabeth pointed out, trying to sound far more nonchalant than she actually felt, "But now… Now that I know who you are, I just… I just want to help."

"You still wish you had a gun."

"Oh, I have one. I just don't think it will be much of a help." Elizabeth told him, reaching out for her laptop, "Anyway, I was thinking… If you'd like… After the whole incident in D.C., there are files on the internet—"

"What's the internet?"

"Yeah, I'll have to tell you about it one of these days…" Elizabeth mumbled, realizing there were a lot of things he probably was not used to. "For now, let's just say it's a very quick and modernized way to find all sort of information about anything."

Bucky blinked, and Elizabeth cleared her throat.

"Anyway, after everything that happened with the hellcarriers, there's a lot of information going around, and some of it…" Elizabeth paused, and licked her lips before gazing at Bucky in the eye. "Well, some of it is about you. I could show it to you, if you'd lik—"

"Yes."

His answer was so quick and so straightforward that now it was Elizabeth's turn to blink.

"Okay, then I'll just leave the files open, and you can read them as you like." she said, her eyes now on her laptop's screen. "On the meantime, I'm going to take a quick shower. Call for me if you need anything."

"... You don't have to leave." Bucky said when Elizabeth turned the laptop towards him, and she shook her head. Standing up, she handed him the laptop, and tried to smile.

"I think this is something you should do alone." she said before turning around, and make her way towards the bedroom. As soon as she walked inside, Elizabeth stopped her tracks, and pressed a hand against her chest. Her heart was beating uncontrollably against her chest. Her whole body was visibly shaking, her breathing elaborated from her effort to try and stay calm.

It was not as if she was afraid he would kill her. He had told her he would not hurt her, and somehow she believed in him. What worried her was that they had been together for nearly twenty-four hours, and she could see how unstable he was. Although she did not have much knowledge about PTSD, she was still quite aware of the arousal symptoms; he was on guard for danger, overwhelming with guilt and shame, and he was easily startled even if he did his best not to show it.

Then again, how could he not be after everything HYDRA had done to him?

The question left was; could she, a simple biomedical scientist, help the Winter Soldier?

Privately, Elizabeth hoped so.

Dropping her arm, Elizabeth grabbed her clothes, and made her way towards the bathroom. As she crossed the hallway, she dared glancing at Bucky. He had placed the laptop on the glass table in front of the sofa, and was staring at the glowing screen with a deep frown on his face.

Biting her lower lip, Elizabeth walked inside the bathroom, and closed the door behind her. Not wanting to leave him alone longer than it was necessary, Elizabeth took a quick shower, and wrapped herself around a towel. She had been just about to reach for her pajamas, when she heard a loud crash.

Hastily, she left the bathroom, and froze.

Her small glass table had been turned over, glass scattered everywhere, her laptop turned upside down on the other side of the living-room. On his feet, glaring at the destroyed table was James Barnes, hands closed into tight fists, anger and power emanating from him in tidal waves.

Elizabeth raised a hand, to grasp her towel, but she froze when a gun was suddenly pointed in her direction. Blood pumping in her ears, Elizabeth swallowed dry, and tried to keep her breathing as controlled as possible.

"Did you find something?" she inquired, not really knowing what to ask. Not when he was staring at her, but not really seeing her. Not when he was pointing a gun at her, a finger on the trigger, ready to take the shot at the minimum movement. Slowly, she raised her hands in the air, in front of her, "Bucky..."

"I was the new fist of HYDRA..." Bucky started, never lowering the gun, never blinking. "I saw the files... Those I killed... I can hear their voices in my head..."

"I know, I know, and that's horrible, but please, put that gun down." Elizabeth pleaded, still without lowering her hands. "Maybe I did a mistake. Maybe I should've stayed here while you went through those files, but please, put that gun down and let's talk."

"... Being here would have been your worst mistake." Bucky informed her, and Elizabeth blinked at same time he lowered the gun. Hosting it, he glanced at her shattered table, "That could have been you."

"You told me you wouldn't hurt me." Elizabeth stated, and Bucky gazed at her before looking away.

"I'm the Winter Soldier, I was programmed to kill." he commented, and Elizabeth wrapped her unsteady fingers around her towel.

"You might have been forced to become the Winter Soldier, but you're James Barnes." Elizabeth told him, "And you're not a computer; you're a human being. You just need to be reminded of that, and that's why I'm here. I'm going to be with you right to the end."

Bucky lowered his eyes at that. He scrunched his nose, frowning as he seemed to be trying to remember something. Cautiously, Elizabeth approached him, tilting her head to the side as she watched his facial features become saturated with perplexity.

"I'm with you to the end of the line..." he muttered, but Elizabeth knew he was talking to himself. Stopping only when she was one arm-length away from him whilst being careful about the scattered shatters of glass all over the floor, she pulled her towel even closer to her chest. That was also when he looked at her, his eyes a little red, "He told me that... More than once, I think."

"Who?"

"The blonde man..."

"Steve Rogers?" Elizabeth offered, and Bucky blinked at the name. That was when his eyes went downwards, and Elizabeth felt her insides twist at his gaze. Finally realizing what she was wearing, she dropped her gaze, feeling her cheeks burn in embarrassment, "Hmm… Give me a minute."

With that being said, Elizabeth twirled around and pretty much marched towards the bathroom. After closing the door behind her, she stared at herself in the mirror. Her whole face was a nice shade of pink, and Elizabeth smacked herself on the forehead at same time she released an annoyed groan.

Hastily, she dressed herself, and took a deep breath before abandoning the bathroom. It did not surprise her to find Bucky still standing in the middle of the living-room, staring at what had once been a glass table. Pausing on her tracks, she studied him for a second. She took in the forlorn expression on his face, and the way his eyes were unfocused and lost.

He looked so big and yet so small…

Biting her lower lip, Elizabeth closed her hands into loosened fists before making her way towards him. Her steps were slow, measured as to not to spook a wounded animal. Mindful of the broken glass, she padded around the living-room before reaching Bucky's side.

"I was thinking about letting you sleep on the sofa, but I'm not so sure anymore." Elizabeth made a face as she looked at the mess around them. "I don't think my neighbors would appreciate me vacuuming at this hour, and the sofa isn't really that big. I don't really want to risk you falling off."

"I won't sleep." Bucky told her as he turned to her, and Elizabeth sighed.

"Well, you should." she retorted, but before she could continue, Bucky grabbed his gun again. His hand turned to her in a matter of seconds, and Elizabeth looked down at the weapon before gazing confusedly at him. "What are you doing?"

"You should keep this close to you." Bucky informed her, "In case something happens."

"I told you I have one. It's actually on my bedside table." Elizabeth explained to him while waving a hand in direction of her bedroom, "And I still stick to the idea it won't be much of a help."

"Take this one too." Bucky pressed the matter by shifting the gun closer to her. Looking down at it again, Elizabeth studied the hand that was holding the weapon. Bucky was using his right hand, and she could see the veins on his wrist. She could not help but imagine the power running through those veins.

Without thinking about what she was doing, Elizabeth raised her hand, and pressed it against his. The weapon was now lying between the palms of their hands, and Elizabeth unhurriedly raised her gaze to look at Bucky's eyes.

"I'm going to bed." she announced, and Bucky glanced at their hands for a second before meeting her eyes again. "And I'm still not taking this, even though you asked nicely."

Gently, she raised her fingers from Bucky's. Biting her lower lip, Elizabeth looked up from the lonely weapon, and tried to smile as she took in the way Bucky was watching her.

"Good night." she whispered before turning around, and make her way towards her bedroom, closing the door behind her. During that short walk, she ignored the nagging desire to look over her shoulder, and see what Bucky was doing.

* * *

 _The wind was freezing but everything was silent._

 _There were drops, red as rose petals, falling into the snow._

 _The ache was numb._

 _There was darkness._

" _Sergeant Barnes…the procedure has already started. You are the new fist of HYDRA!"_

 _There was pain._

 _A chair of terror._

 _Crimson tears painted the decaying walls._

 _Torture._

 _A scream…_

" _Bucky!"_

 _A blonde man appeared in the darkness of horror. A shield with a white star shone in the shadows._

" _I'm not gonna fight you. You're my friend."_

 _The shield fades into nothingness. Smoke and fire licked the corners of the surrounding darkness._

" _YOU ARE MY MISSION!"_

" _Then finish it. 'Cause I'm with you 'til the end of the line."_

"Bucky!"

A guttural scream left his vocal chords, his eyes snapping open as an explosion detonated in his ears. Instinctively, he reached out for the dagger strapped to his right ankle, and threw it. A shriek drew his attention, and his hard eyes traveled to his right at same time he jumped from where he was sitting on, drawing his gun.

"Bucky!"

The familiar name tickled his brain, causing his whole body to tingle. His hand shook, but he kept observing the figure standing on the opposite side of the room. Slowly, he rested his finger against the trigger, taking a slow breath as he did so.

"Bucky, please, don't do this!"

Releasing the breath progressively, he narrowed his eyes. He was about to pull the trigger when the figure stepped closer, abandoning the shadows, revealing raised hands and a frightened facial expression.

"Por favor…" the voice, which now sounded strangely familiar, had dropped substantially. A trembling hand was unhurriedly extended towards him, palm up, "It's me. It's Elizabeth. Please, you had a nightmare, please… Please…"

He paused on his actions, and tilted his head slightly to the side. Blinking, he felt something shift inside of him when his eyes fell upon a head full with brown curls. A pair of hazel eyes was looking back at him, fearful, anxious, and he felt his insides twist for no reason. That was when he felt her hand moving closer to his, closer to his gun.

"Remember me? You said I was your mission…"

Her voice shook as she slowly continued moving towards him. He blinked again, his unfocused eyes gradually coming back to life. Her face, unknown until that moment, was soon recognized, and his whole body tensed up when he realized what he had just done. Hastily, he looked at the wall behind her, and noticed the dagger stuck into it.

Immediately, he turned to her, and saw the blood covering the helix of her left ear.

"You…" he whispered, and a faint, nervous smile appeared on her face. Nodding, she finally reached out for the hand that was grasping the gun.

"Yeah, it's me…" she answered, her voice still faint, "You had a bad dream…"

It came out as a surprise when Bucky felt something smooth run up his hand towards his wrist. His first reaction was to move his hand away, but when he realized Elizabeth's fingers were resting against his skin, he stopped.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Elizabeth asked in a hushed tone, and Bucky raised his gaze. Then, he shook his head. Elizabeth licked her lips at his response, "Okay… Then, let's sit down."

He felt her fingers wrap around his wrist, and she gently tugged him to follow her. He let his arm extend after her, but the rest of his body stayed put. When he did not follow her, Elizabeth stopped walking, and turned to face him.

"What's wrong?"

Bucky watched as she turned to her side – her left side – and the way her hair covered her face. His hand twitched, and he cautiously raised it towards her face. Inches away from her tresses, he paused, and looked at her in the eye. Glancing down at his hand, Elizabeth returned the look, and waited for his next move.

Without breaking the eye-contact, Bucky pulled her hair aside, and inspected her injured ear from afar. His insides twisted at the sight of blood, and he furrowed his eyebrows in concentration. A flashback appeared before his eyes, and he could see himself being dragged in the snow, his left arm missing.

A trail of blood was left behind, tainting the snow.

Bucky pulled his hand away as if Elizabeth's hair had burned him.

"Oh, this is nothing." Elizabeth told him, reaching for her ear with her free hand. "I'll take care of it soon enough. For now, please, let's sit down. We don't even have to talk about anything…"

"I hurt you." Bucky finally said as he lowered his gaze, "I shouldn't be here."

"Bucky, please, we've talked about this," Elizabeth said, finally turning around, releasing his hand as she did so. Bucky took the opportunity to put his gun away before twirling around, and walk towards the wall where his dagger was. Pulling it from the wall, he also put it back on its rightful place. "It's almost five in the morning. Please, let's just talk."

"I should leave."

"How am I supposed to help you if you keep on running away?" Elizabeth inquired, "I'm your mission, am I not? I'm supposed to help you with the voices an—"

"I can't stay here." Bucky interrupted her before looking to their side. Glass was still scattered around on the floor, the laptop lying forgotten on the opposite side. Then, he turned to the wall his dagger had hit, and observed the dent it had left behind.

His heart was beating steadily against his chest as he turned to face the young woman dressed in strange pajamas.

"Bucky, please—"

"You're seconds away from hyperventilating; your heart is racing, and you're sweating."

"Thank you, I do know the symptoms." Elizabeth stated, crossing her arms against her chest. He knew she was trying to hide her shaky hands, but she could not conceal the tremor in her voice. "Still that's a poor excuse for you to just run away."

"I'm not running." Bucky retorted, jaw closed tight for a moment. "I think this is what you'd call me protecting you."

"Bucky—"

Elizabeth was interrupted once more, this time by the bell. Turning to look at the front door, Bucky tensed up immediately, hand going for his gun. Narrowing his eyes, he turned to Elizabeth, and waited for her to react. The look on her face was enough to indicate she was not expecting anyone.

"Go to my room." Elizabeth hissed as she approached him with quick steps. Bucky stared at her, not really understanding her logic. Hastily, she continued, "Knowing my luck that's Sharon on the other side. So, please, just stay in my room, and don't leave until I say you so, ok?"

The bell rang again, and it was closely followed by a knock.

" _Lizzie? Are you in there?"_

A groan escaped from the woman's lips as a female voice echoed from the other side of the door. Bucky parted his lips to speak, but Elizabeth motioned for him to stay quiet. Without saying anything, she stepped behind him, and he felt her hands on his shoulder blades.

"I'm so dead…" he heard her mutter under her breath and before Bucky could say anything he was pushed inside her bedroom. Hurriedly, Elizabeth closed the door behind him, and Bucky felt his muscles tense up at the moment of silence that followed.

Elizabeth's voice cut through the quiet seconds later.

" _Sharon, what are you doing here?"_

 **To Be Continued…**

 **Vocabulary**

 _Por favor –_ please.


	5. You Can Always Turn Back

**Disclaimer:** _Depths of Silence_ owns nothing aside from the unknown characters.

* * *

I want to thank _tate4eva_ , _Natya101_ , _Eserechia_ , _elvinscarf_ , _MissOpinionated_ and _FALLING-ANGEL24_ for all of your support. I hope you continue to enjoy this story.

* * *

 **Chapter V**

 _No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back._  
– Turkish proverb

"Sharon, what are you doing here?"

Elizabeth felt her heart skip a beat at the sight of the blonde woman standing on the other side of the door. The look on Sharon's face was enough to tell her things were not going to end up well. Not when Sharon suddenly raised an eyebrow at her question.

"I just came to check on you." she elucidated and Elizabeth had to stop herself from biting on her lower lip. Tilting her head to the side, Sharon continued, "So, how are you?"

"I'm still a little shaken up, but… I think I have everything under control now." Elizabeth replied, not really knowing what to say. Carefully, she leaned against the door so that Sharon could not look inside, "But thank you for everything you've done for me."

"I've already told you there's no need to thank me. I just want to help."

"I know, but with everything that has been going on with your aunt…" Elizabeth trailed off, trying to keep her nerves under control, "Really, thank you for always finding the time to come check up on me."

"You're so silly…" Sharon chuckled, a small smile on her face. "Are you sure you're all right? You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just can't seem to calm down..." Elizabeth tried to return the smile, but her lips trembled at the movement. Sharon raised both eyebrows at that. "There are so many things I need to take care of, and I just…I just don't want to do it."

"I know, it's too sudden, but you know you can take your time. Besides, you know you have us to help you out." Sharon said, and inwardly Elizabeth released the breath she did not realize she had been holding. "Still, you know you can always call me. You don't have to do everything alone."

"Thank you, it's just that…" Elizabeth felt her hands shake as she spoke, and she had to stop herself from looking behind her, "All I wanted was to get home after leaving the cemetery."

"Do you want me to stay here?" Sharon offered, and this time Elizabeth managed to offer her friend a weak smile. Shaking her head, she pressed the door closer to her side, "It's not a big deal, and you do look tired."

"Thank you, but I'm okay." she replied, "You need to slow down too, and there's nothing some rest won't fix. It's just…with the funeral all I want is some peace and quiet."

"Yeah, I get that." Sharon agreed, "But you better call me when things get too hard."

"You're right, and I'm sorry," Elizabeth apologized while making a face. Her insides, however, were twisting in agony. There were people who were going to kill her after finding out about the person she was housing. "I'm really sorry you had to come all this way just for this. My house is a complete mess or else I'd invite you in."

Sharon chuckled at that, and surprised Elizabeth with a wide smile.

"Lizzie, you're the queen of untidiness. I don't even know how you can navigate through your room." she declared, "I have no idea how you managed to become a biomedical scientist with your amazing capability of not having anything organized."

"It's called organized chaos." Elizabeth shot back, and Sharon snorted at that.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. Anyway, if you're sure you don't need anything, I'll just go home, and get some rest." Sharon said before looking at Elizabeth with a serious expression on her face, "But make sure you call me, all right?"

"Yes, I promise." Elizabeth reassured her with a small nod. "But now that I think about it, maybe next time I will ask for you to stop by. That way we can always call S—"

"Bye Lizzie!" Sharon interrupted her as she twirled around on her heels, and Elizabeth almost chuckled at her friend's antics. "Make sure you call me!"

"Thank you!" Elizabeth exclaimed as her friend made her towards the staircase. "Thank you for everything!"

"Hold a true friend with both your hands." Sharon said as she reached the stairs, and Elizabeth smiled at her comment.

"Hold a true friend with both hands." she repeated. Waving in goodbye, Sharon walked down the stairs, disappearing from sight. Releasing a long breath, Elizabeth closed the door with both hands before closing her eyes.

Things were definitely going downhill …

Licking her lips, Elizabeth opened her eyes and turned around. A yelp escaped her lips when she collided with a hard chest, and she stumbled backwards only to hit with her back against the door. Hissing, she felt her shoulder blades throb from the impact.

"Stop doing that!" she hissed, looking up only to find Bucky staring back at her with a strange look on his face. Pushing away from the door, Elizabeth realized she was trapped between it and Bucky's strong form. "What's wrong?"

"You lied…" he commented, blue eyes never leaving Elizabeth's, "You lied…to protect me. Why?"

"We've talked about this," Elizabeth sighed, "How do you expect me to help you if you leave my side?"

"I'm dangerous." Bucky stated as if she did not already know that. "That woman…surely you'd prefer to be with her rather than to be hiding here…because of me."

"Well, actually…" Elizabeth winced as she raised a hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her left ear. Looking down at her hand, she saw the blood, and sighed. "Let me take care of this first, and then we'll talk about what we're doing next."

Quickly, she walked past him towards the bathroom, and found her first-aid kit on the bathroom cabinet behind the door. Without really paying attention to what she was doing, she took a band aid, and turned to the mirror. She jumped in surprise when she saw Bucky standing by the door. He clearly did not understand the concept of not killing someone with a heart-attack.

"Really, I'm fine." she reassured him as she pushed her hair aside in order to take a closer look at her ear. It was not bleeding anymore, and thankfully her long hair had stopped Sharon from noticing it. Shifting closer to the mirror, Elizabeth covered the small wound before turning around. "See? You can't really tell it's there."

Bucky simply continued looking at her.

"And you're right; I did lie... Terribly, but I did it. I lied because turning you in probably won't do you much help, and it certainly won't help me either." Elizabeth cleared her throat, trying to find the right words. "Lying to Sharon… To my closest friends…that's what I'm not used to. I really have no idea how Sharon believed in all that…"

Elizabeth took a deep breath in, a flash of sadness crossing her eyes.

"I really need to give it my all…"

"You went to a funeral?" Bucky asked out of the blue, and Elizabeth felt her heart skip a beat at the subject he chose.

"Yeah, my mother's," Elizabeth told him after a moment, "She was sick for half a year. Cancer. I stayed with her throughout the whole process, which is why I told you I'm not working for anyone at the moment. I asked for a leave of absence so that I could take care of her."

There was a moment of silence, and Elizabeth dropped her gaze.

"It was hard, especially near the end. My mom was my rock, she was…after everything that happened with my brother, she was my solace. My brother's death killed her, but my mother would always tell me to smile because smiling makes everything a little easier…"

"You haven't been smiling."

"I think my mom would excuse my sour face given the circumstances." Elizabeth shrugged her right shoulder as she spoke, but Bucky's grave expression led her to carry on. "But we aren't here to talk about me. We're here to help you with your voices, remember?"

"… I'm starting to think the voices belong to my nightmares." Bucky confessed, and Elizabeth frowned at that. Tilting her head to the side, she gazed at Bucky's prosthetic arm before looking at his eyes. The despondent expression that she saw caused her heart to squeeze.

Without realizing what she was doing, Elizabeth raised a hand towards his face. Bucky did not blink or move away, which took her breath away. A few hours ago, he would have certainly flinched away from her, but now he was just standing there, watching her, waiting for her help.

"Is that why you went to the cemetery?" Elizabeth asked softly, her fingers inches away from his face. "Were you…looking for something?"

"… I just wanted to find peace." Bucky eventually told her. Elizabeth's breath hitched when he raised his right hand, and grabbed hers. "I ended up finding you."

"Let's hope you won't regret it." Elizabeth attempted to joke, but Bucky's expression indicated he did not understand her tone. Unconsciously, she felt the warmth spreading through her hand down to her wrist and arm. It was amazing how a man known as The Winter Soldier was so warm. "Anyway, we should think about what we're doing next."

"I'm leaving."

"Before that, let me go grab something." Elizabeth said, and Bucky released her hand. Ignoring the way her fingers were tingling, Elizabeth went to her bedroom, and grabbed her tablet. Then, she returned to the living-room, mentally telling herself she really needed to clean up the mess Bucky had created the night before.

Motioning for Bucky to follow her with a hand, Elizabeth sat down on her sofa, scooping over so that Bucky could sit next to her. Once again, he sat down on the furthest side. Elizabeth tried to ignore his actions by turning her tablet on, and immediately access the internet.

Quickly, she searched for Steve Rogers. As soon as a picture of him pre-serum appeared on the screen, Elizabeth handed the tablet to Bucky.

"What do you think of when you see this?" she asked as Bucky studied the photograph. "I know this might sound crazy, but…you were childhood friends. Does anything come to mind when you see this?"

Bucky furrowed his eyebrows as he observed the photograph. The tension in his muscles was a clear indication of how hard he was thinking about the question she had just asked. He was clearly trying to find an answer, and Elizabeth prayed that he could.

"...I remember a brick..." Bucky eventually said, and Elizabeth blinked at that, "... And a key."

"Can you see him?" Elizabeth asked, pointed to the tablet, "Steve Rogers?"

"I can feel pain..." Bucky said, his voice dropping a little, and blinking he turned to face her, "But I don't know why."

"Do you think that key you remembered is connected to something important?" Elizabeth asked, and Bucky shrugged. Noticing the way his eyes had returned to Steve Roger's photograph, Elizabeth looked down at her hands, and tried to come up with an idea. Suddenly, a thought came to mind, and she raised her head. "You're from Brooklyn."

Bucky blinked at that.

"I am?"

"That's what your biography at the Smithsonian said." Elizabeth quickly explained with a short nod. "We can always go there, if you'd like."

There was a beat. Elizabeth felt it pulsate through the air as Bucky's eyes met hers. She did not know if taking him to Brooklyn was a good idea. Heck, she was not even sure if letting him go outside was a bright idea, but what else could she do? He needed answers, and she had promised she would help him find those answers.

"What if something happens?" Bucky asked, unsure, "What if...what if I hurt you while we're there?"

"I'm your mission," Elizabeth stated, trying to sound light and sure, "Besides, if you hurt me how on earth are you coming back to D.C.?"

"You sound so sure..." Bucky muttered before shaking his head. Looking down at his hands, he squeezed them into fists. His left arm was making noises as his grip got stronger, the knuckles on his right hand turning white. "How can you have so much faith in me when I have none? You know what I've done... The people I've killed, so… How? Why?"

"Both my mother and brother believed in second chances. So do I," Elizabeth told him, "Besides, no matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, you can always turn back."

* * *

He could almost hear her heart racing. Her breathing was elaborated, her hands were sweaty. The way her fingers twitched on occasion reflected the tingling that was undoubtedly running through her skin. She was struggling against a panic attack, and she was failing.

Her driving was regular, though.

Gazing through the window next to him, he thought about her so-called plan. Apparently, Elizabeth believed that going to Brooklyn would help him in some way. He doubted it would work, but he did not say anything about it. He could see how hard she was struggling to just be in his presence. He could not risk scaring her away. Not when she had become the bridge between reality and fiction, between who he was and what he could become.

Yet he knew how dangerous that position was, and of how he had no right to ask that of her.

"Estou doida..." he heard her mumble, and he glanced sideways at her. She was completely focused on the road ahead, and he frowned at her words.

"Não, não estás..." he replied, and Elizabeth's eyes widened in surprise. Turning her head to look at him, their eyes met for a split of a second before Elizabeth focused her attention on the road again. Slowly, a nice shade of pink crept up her cheeks.

"Do I even want to know how you understand Portuguese?" she asked, and Bucky blinked at that.

"… I don't know." he eventually said, and Elizabeth was not sure of how she should take his reply. Instead, she took a deep breath in, and tried to focus on driving. After nearly four hours behind the wheel, they were finally reaching their destination.

It was definitely too late to change her mind.

"How did your brother die?"

The question had left his lips before he knew what he was doing. Elizabeth's grip on the steering-wheel increased tenfold, her knuckles turning white. Her eyes widened in shock, and her breathing became even more erratic.

"W-What?" she stuttered, her eyes glancing quickly at him before focusing on the road ahead.

"You said your brother died," Bucky stated, silently taking in all the changes in her body. She was seconds away from hyperventilating, and if she did, they would crash, "How?"

"He was killed in action." Elizabeth quickly replied, swallowing hard before she did. "He died a few years ago on a mission. He…he was going to apprehend an enemy, and…he was killed…"

Bucky silently drank in Elizabeth's words and observed the way her voice shook.

"His partner managed to continue the mission, and bring the man into custody of the United States Armed Forces…" Elizabeth continued, biting her lower lip as she paused. Her eyes were tearing up, but she shook her head to stop herself from crying. Somewhere, from the back of his mind, Bucky recalled a petit man, with his back to him, trying to open a locked door without a key. "He was my solace…"

"Was he a pilot?" Bucky asked, but this time all Elizabeth did was shake her head. For a moment, Bucky observed as Elizabeth continued to drive before gazing through the window next to him. The sky was clear, and the sun seemed to burn his skin. Slowly, he dropped his gaze, his eyes falling upon the side rear mirror.

His eyes narrowed at what he saw.

"Turn right." he spoke all of a sudden and Elizabeth's head turned to him.

"Why?" she asked, but Bucky did not look away from the side rear mirror. His muscles were tensing up, his senses growing sharper as he observed what was happening behind their car. Narrowing his eyes, his hand slowly shifted closer to the spot where he was concealing his gun, behind his back.

He repeated the order again, but the words that escaped from his lips came out in Russian, which caused Elizabeth to stare weirdly at him. As his heart continued to beat regularly against his rib cage, Bucky realized that she had not understood a word. Glancing at her, he repeated the order.

"Turn right."

"Did you just speak in Russian?" Elizabeth asked, but she did what he told her to. Bucky kept his eyes on the mirror, his fingers twitching as they reached the gun. He took a deep breath as he slowly pulled the gun out, and a deep frown grew on his face as he understood what was happening.

"Turn right." he commanded again, and once more Elizabeth did what she was told. After one minute, a car behind them also turned right, and Bucky released the breath he was holding. Tearing his eyes away from the mirror, he looked at Elizabeth.

"We're being followed."

"What?!" Elizabeth gasped, eyes widening in horror, and she turned her head to look at him. Their eyes met for a split of a second before Bucky focused his attention on the side rear mirror again. "What do you mean we're being followed? By whom?"

Bucky did not respond. Instead, he carefully observed as the grey car silently followed theirs. He would not be surprised if it was HYDRA. He had figured they would not leave him alone even after his disappearance. So far, Bucky had managed to stay off their radar, but maybe they had finally come up with a way to find him.

A flash appeared before his eyes, and Bucky found himself strapped to a chair.

The torture chair...

The pain...

"What are we going to do?" Elizabeth asked, causing Bucky to close his eyes shut, the flash fading away. Pain erupted from the side of his head, but he ignored it. Instead, Bucky looked at the mirror again, and realized the car was gone.

It took him a minute to weaken his grip on the gun.

"Do you think I should park the car somewhere?" Elizabeth asked as she struggled to keep up with the traffic, and Bucky gritted his teeth, pushing the pain away. Then, he turned his head to look at the woman next to him.

She was shaking like a leaf.

"It's gone." he informed her, and Elizabeth blinked at that before turning to look at him. Her face was pale, her cheeks losing all color as she struggled to stay in control even though she was shaking from head to toe. Her breathing, irregular before, was completely inconsistent. "The car has disappeared."

"But you said someone was following us..." Elizabeth pointed out, stopping the car as they reached a red light. Slowly, she looked over her shoulder as if trying to reassure herself they were safe. Bucky took the opportunity to put the gun away. "Do you think we should keep going?"

Instead of answering, Bucky turned to the side rear mirror. He waited with patience, and it was only when their car started moving again that he gazed at Elizabeth.

"It's gone." he repeated once more, and Elizabeth bit her lower lip. As she took a hand of the steering wheel to reach the gear stick, Bucky quietly observed her quivering fingers. For a moment, he did not know what to say.

 _Thank you Buck, but I can get by on my own._

 _The thing is, you don't have to. I'm with you till the end of the line, pal._

The faded words seemed to be whispered into his ears. The memory of a brick and a key appeared before Bucky's eyes, and he closed his eyelids in surprise. His hands closed into tight fists, pain erupting from his chest for no apparent reason.

A scrawny boy appeared in the darkness of his mind before he too faded away into the shadows.

"I'm sorry..." Elizabeth apologized all of a sudden, and Bucky snapped from his trance. "I-I know I shouldn't have overreacted, but...you kind of scared me. And then you started speaking in Russian, and I..."

"Did you bring your gun?" Bucky asked when Elizabeth trailed off, and she glanced sideways at him before shaking her head. Bucky was about to reach out for his when Elizabeth parked the car on the side of the road. That was when he looked at the street ahead of them, and a frown appeared on his face. They had not reached their destination yet.

"Who do you think was following us?" Elizabeth asked abruptly as she released the steering-wheel and turned to face him. Bucky looked at her in the eye, but did not answer. Chewing on her lower lip, Elizabeth released a long breath through the nose, "Was it HYDRA?"

"Possibly…"

Elizabeth let out a groan, and Bucky blinked when she pressed her forehead against the steering-wheel. For a moment, she stood in that position, taking deep breaths while Bucky observed her. After releasing a deep breath, Elizabeth raised her head, and turned to him.

"What are we going to do now?" she asked, and Bucky blinked. He was not sure of how he was supposed to answer that question. He was used to be the one following orders; he had never been asked for his opinion, and that was quite disconcerting.

"Do you want to go back?" Elizabeth asked as the silence grew, and Bucky looked at her in the eye. Then, he gazed at their surroundings. That might have been a false alarm, but he did not want to risk anyone's lives, which was interesting since saving people had never been his mission.

He was a killer not a savior.

However, as he continued staring at Elizabeth, taking in the way she was looking at him, he found the answer to her question immediately. There she was; a biomedical scientist, who probably had never been out in the field, trying to deal with him, the ghost of a horror story.

He was going to take her home, and then he would leave.

"Bucky?" Elizabeth called him, concern overcoming her anxiety, and the Winter Soldier snapped from his reverie. Slowly, he nodded.

"Yes, let's go back."

 **To Be Continued…**

 **Vocabulary**

 **Estou doida...** – _I'm crazy..._

 **Não, não estás... -** _No, no you're not..._


	6. We Are Our Choices

**Disclaimer:** _Depths of Silence_ owns nothing aside from the unknown characters.

* * *

I want to thank _LovelyFandomLover_ , _tate4eva_ and _fanheartfiction_ for your support. I hope you all enjoy the twist this new chapter presents.

* * *

 **Chapter VI**

 _We are our choices.  
_ ― Jean-Paul Sartre

Forty-eight hours.

They had been together for two whole days, and Elizabeth had finally learnt how to control her anxiety. Perhaps after driving for nearly nine hours straight, and having to clean up her living room after such a long trip had tired her so much that she had no energy left to even think straight.

Either way, Elizabeth could finally think of James Barnes without feeling her whole body burn in tension.

With a sigh, Elizabeth flopped down on the sofa, tiredness rolling off her body in waves. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back. The sound of her shower eventually reached her ears, and Elizabeth had to stop herself from groaning as she realized who was in her bathroom.

Bucky had been behaving a little weirder than usual on their way back. He had been much quieter, his eyes always darting in direction of the side rear mirror. It had made her feel even more worried about them being followed. However, once they got home, her tension dropped significantly. Elizabeth had actually been the one to suggest Bucky to have a shower. If she was feeling sticky enough from the trip, she could not help but wonder how Bucky was feeling since he was forced to wear a hoddie.

Opening her eyes, Elizabeth reached out for her purse, on her side. Taking her mobile phone from inside, she checked for new texts. Chewing on her lower lip, she texted Sharon, reassuring her everything was alright. She had been just about to start typing a second text when the door of her bathroom swung open.

Elizabeth felt her breath get stuck on her throat at the sight before her.

 _Oh my Lord_ was Elizabeth's first thought and also the last as she saw Bucky leave the bathroom. It was a cliché. It was a damn cliché, but that did not stop her from savoring it. It certainly did not stop her from thanking heavens for having sat down before his appearance. He was just so...

"Oh my..." Elizabeth breathed out only to smack a hand against her lips when Bucky suddenly turned to her. He was holding the t-shirt she had handed him before he had disappeared into the bathroom in his hand, a troubled expression on his face.

"... This is too small..." he commented after a moment in silence, and Elizabeth felt her whole face burn up when his eyes met hers. Without being able to stop herself, Elizabeth glanced down at his torso again, and gasped, this time for an entire different reason.

"Bucky, you're black and blue!" she exclaimed, standing up from the sofa. Without even thinking twice, she went to him, her hands immediately going for the enormous bruises that were covering all over his chest. It was almost as if something extremely heavy had fallen right on top of him, "Why didn't you say anything?"

Bucky simply blinked at her question. Elizabeth lightly ran her hands over his ribcage, checking for flail chest. The right side of his chest felt swollen, but there were no huge protrusions or dents. Thankfully it did not seem as if he had any broken ribs, but they were most definitely bruised.

"You should've said something!" Elizabeth scolded him before twirling around, and marched in direction of the kitchen. Without thinking much about her actions, Elizabeth went straight to the freezer, and grabbed a bag of frozen peas. Slamming the door of the freezer shut, Elizabeth returned to the hallway. Bucky was standing on the same spot, still holding the t-shirt, looking completely confused about what was going on.

"Icing your ribs will help reduce pain and swelling," Elizabeth told him as she handed him the bag of frozen peas. When he made no motion to grab it, she held back a sigh, "This way the bruised tissue can heal more quickly. You probably got that injury a while ago. Why didn't you say anything? Are you in pain? Do you need painkillers?"

"... No." Bucky answered, and Elizabeth shook her head before shifting closer to him. Without asking for permission, she pressed the bag against Bucky's side. The Winter Soldier continued staring at her in silence until he tilted his head to the side. "You're a doctor?"

"I know a few things, yes." Elizabeth told him, as she raised her eyes to look at him, "Had to. When we were younger, my brother always ran into troubles, so I had to look after him. I'm no physician, but I certainly can handle a couple of bruised ribs."

That was when Elizabeth's eyes darted towards the t-shirt he was still holding in his hand. It was one of the few t-shirts of her brother that she still owed. Apparently, Bucky was far broader than her brother had been, but Elizabeth refused to let Bucky wear his old clothes at least until she washed them.

"Here, hold this. I'll go try to find another t-shirt for you." Elizabeth told him, and surprisingly Bucky nodded. Raising his prosthetic hand, he continued pressing the frozen bag against his side while Elizabeth retreated to her bedroom. It was only when she opened her closet, and reached out for the drawer where her brother's t-shirts were that she stopped.

Closing her eyes, Elizabeth took a deep breath, and tried to steady her heart. As soon as the words about her brother had left her lips, she was assaulted by numerous memories. She could hear her brother's laughter in her ears, her mother scolding him for his boyish behaviour. She could remember him talking about joining S.H.I.E.L.D. She could remember his best friend and partner coming to her door in his uniform...

Elizabeth shook her head to clear her mind. Dwelling in the past would not help her at all. Not when she apparently had a new patient in her hands, who had no common sense whatsoever. Not that she could really blame him, though.

Picking up another t-shirt, Elizabeth left her bedroom. It did not surprise her to find Bucky standing on the same spot, pressing the bag of frozen peas to his side. She would find it comical if not for the situation they were in.

"You should sit down." Elizabeth advised as she reached his side, "Also, here. I found another t-shirt. Let's hope this one fits. My brother was a little thinner than you, so..."

Bucky looked down at it before handing her the other t-shirt. Putting the bag of frozen peas aside, he reached for the new t-shirt, and put it on. It was perhaps a little tight, but it fit, and Elizabeth was happy with it. Still, she refused to forget about what she had just seen.

"Do you remember what happened to you?" she asked, feeling her shoulders drop with tiredness, but she fought it back. Instead, she made her way towards the sofa, and sat down not as gracefully as she had first intended.

Bucky simply stared, and Elizabeth let out a tired sigh.

"You know, I'm sorry our trip to Brooklyn didn't go as planned." she said, and Bucky blinked at that, a frown on his face. "I thought… I was hoping that going to Brooklyn would help you remember, but then we were followed, and I freaked out, and… I'm really sorry…"

Tilting his head to the side, Bucky continued to stare at her. With a sad smile, Elizabeth patted the empty side next to her. She half expected him to refuse, but Bucky surprised her by making his way to her side. He even remembered to grab the bag of frozen peas, although he made no motion to press it to his ribs.

"… Why do you keep apologizing?"

Elizabeth blinked at the question. For a moment, the two of them just stood like that; staring at one another, one confused, the other befuddled. Pulling her hand away, Elizabeth watched as Bucky hesitated for a split of a second before sitting down.

"You asked for my help," Elizabeth told him, pausing only to gather her thoughts. "You said I was your mission. You want me to help you deal with your voices, and so far… Well, I haven't been doing a good job at that."

"… You know who I am," Bucky pointed out, and Elizabeth nodded, "You took me to Brooklyn even after I pretended to shot you. You… It's wrong to…hear you apologize."

"Well, I am sorry," Elizabeth declared, pressing her head against the back of the sofa, "I can only imagine how confusing this whole thing has been for you. And now, thanks to me, we probably have HYDRA following us around, and—"

"I won't let HYDRA get to you," Bucky interrupted her, his voice low and powerful. Elizabeth tried not to shift as she felt his whole body tense up, his eyes growing darker, "I told you that."

"Bucky…" Elizabeth breathed out. When their eyes met, she felt her heart squeeze at the expression on Bucky's face. Without even thinking about her actions, she reached out, and rested her hand on top of his mechanical one. Bucky's gaze fell upon her hand before meeting her eyes again, "I promise I'll do my best to help you."

Bucky parted his lips to speak, but no word escaped his lips. Smiling softly at him, Elizabeth patted his hand before forcing herself to stand up.

"You should really ice those ribs of yours," she instructed him, motioning for the bag of frozen peas with a hand. Bucky simply continued to watch her, "Anyway, I'm going to bed. Will you be alright here?"

Silence was all that answered her, but Elizabeth was too tired to fight the awkward moment. Instead, she kept her smile on her face.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then. Call my name if you need anything." with that said, Elizabeth turned around, and made her way towards the bedroom. However, this time, she stopped by the door, and looked to her side. Bucky was silently watching her from the sofa, "Good night."

Softly, stepped inside, and closed the door behind her. She waited to hear noise, but silence was all that followed her farewell. Finally dropping her shoulders in weariness, Elizabeth sat down on her bed, eyes on her knees. Pressing a hand to her chest, she felt her heartbeat, and inwardly sighed in relief when she realized she was no longer trembling.

Groaning, Elizabeth pressed her hands against her eyes, and flopped down on the bed, on her back. The whole trip to Brooklyn had been chaotic, and a complete failure. As she replayed everything over and over in her mind, the more she realized how foolish her plan had been.

"Crap…" Elizabeth muttered, turning to her side, and reaching out for her pillow. Unhurriedly, she rested her head on top of it, and closed her eyes. "I'm an idiot…"

A knock on the door was what woke Elizabeth with a start. Blinking, she shook her head, the world spinning as she raised her head. Her body felt heavy, and it took her a while to realize she had fallen asleep. Yawning, Elizabeth rolled over, and stood up from the bed.

Without bothering to check her appearance, Elizabeth left her bedroom on the same moment someone rang the bell. She was just about to speak when she paused. Looking to her side, Elizabeth blinked when she realized James was not in the living-room.

A louder knock caused Elizabeth to jump in surprise.

"Coming!" she called out, rushing to the door as she spoke. Rapidly, Elizabeth opened the door, and paused. Two pair of eyes looked back at her, a sense of uneasiness vibrating in the air. They were dressed in black suits, hands behind their backs, "Yes?"

"Doctor de Carvalho?" the man on the left asked, and Elizabeth increased her grip on her doorknob. Stopping herself from biting her lower lip, she nodded.

"Yes, that's me."

"Could we go inside?" the same man asked, and Elizabeth frowned at that question.

"Actually, no." she responded, "What's going on? Who are you?"

"We've been informed you're housing a wanted man." the man on the right finally spoke, brown eyes locked with Elizabeth's face. "You can either let us go inside, or we'll force entrance."

For a split of a second, Elizabeth just looked at the two men. Without blinking, she jumped backwards, and tried to close the door only to cry out when one of the men kicked the door aside. Throwing her arms in the air, Elizabeth stumbled backwards, and nearly fell down.

She was just about to find her balance when one of the men lunged at her. Elizabeth jumped out of the way, and tried to trip him by raising a leg. The other man, however, realized what she was doing, and caught her with a very hard backhand that knocked her down.

A small cry escaped her lips as Elizabeth fell onto the floor, the back of her head hitting the floor as she fell. Stars filled her vision, darkness threatening to consume her whole body as Elizabeth struggled to stand up. One small part of her thanked heavens for not having lost consciousness, but queasiness was beginning to bother her.

"Where is he?" Elizabeth heard one of the men ask, the ringing in her ears fading only a little.

"I have no idea."

Elizabeth gasped loudly when a hand grabbed her by her hair, pulling her up to her knees. Biting back the wave of nausea that hit her hard, Elizabeth raised her hands up in a failed attempt to get free from the strong grip.

"Where is he?"

The warm breath against her cheek caused a shiver to run up her spine. Her head was suddenly thrown backwards, but Elizabeth managed to still catch a glimpse of the man's blue eyes. Anger was written all over his face, and Elizabeth tried to come up with something to save herself.

Her brother. What had her brother taught her? If she were ever to punch someone…

 _Aim for the throat._

"Let… Go…" Elizabeth managed to scratch one of the man's hands hard enough to make him release her in surprise. Taking the opportunity, Elizabeth managed to stand up, and close her hand into a fist. Her head was hurting too much, but she still managed to aim for the throat. She hit the side of his neck, but before she could escape him, the other man appeared out of nowhere, kicking her on her side.

Pain blinded Elizabeth for a moment as air vanished from her lungs, her body once again connecting with the floor. A gun appeared before her eyes, but her body refused to cooperate. A groan of pain escaped her lips as she tried to move her head, her eyes blinking rapidly as Elizabeth tried to push the back dots away from her vision.

"Where is he?" the man asked, his face appearing behind the gun.

"I don't…" Elizabeth fought back against the vomit as it went up her throat, "I don't know…"

"I'm going to put a bullet in your brain."

Elizabeth saw his fingers move, but her ears were ringing too loudly for her to hear anything. All she could see was the barrel of the gun. She felt some movement behind her, but before Elizabeth could even prepare herself to take her last breath in, something zoomed above her head. A hole appeared on the man's forehead before he fell. Elizabeth cried as the body fell forward, and her muscles screamed in pain as she rolled to her side in order to avoid the body from falling on top of her.

As she struggled to sit up, a shadow ran past her, and Elizabeth raised her head. Bucky punched the second man with his left hand, and the sound of bones cracking filled the air. Elizabeth did not even have time to wince as Bucky swung his leg sideways in a circular motion, and kicked the man's side with the front of his leg. The man flew right into the wall, but before he could stand up, Bucky reached out for his dagger, and grabbed the man by the back of his head.

The blade was resting against the man's neck in a split of a second.

"Who sent you?"

Bucky's voice was dark and controlled. It actually sent a shiver down Elizabeth's spine. His whole stance screamed military, but his soul called out for blood. Parting her lips to speak, Elizabeth tried to make her vocal chords work, but all she felt was her whole body throb.

The man did not respond, and Bucky narrowed his eyes. Pressing the blade harder against his neck, to the point of drawing blood, Bucky shifted his head closer to the man's.

"Who sent you?" he repeated again, much slower and darker than before. Elizabeth raised a hand to her own neck, her lips trembling as she noticed the smirk that appeared on the man's face.

"You won't kill me," he said, blood dripping from his split lip, "Not if you want to find the answers you're looking for."

There was a pause. Bucky did not even blink as he stared down at the unknown man. Elizabeth glanced down at the body next to her before gazing at the Winter Soldier again. Power was emanating from every muscle, every bone, and Elizabeth knew Bucky was pondering about what the man had just said.

That was also the moment Bucky looked her way, their eyes meeting for just a second. Then, Bucky turned to the man once more, and Elizabeth felt her insides twist at the sudden change in his demeanor.

"Wrong answer."

"Bucky!" Elizabeth gasped when she realized what Bucky was about to do. She was not certain if it would work, but when she noticed that Bucky had turned his head to look at her, she swallowed hard, "Please, don't—don't kill him. You…you don't have to kill him, you can…you can just let him go."

"You kill me," the man spoke, eyes locked with Bucky's face. Slowly, the Winter Soldier returned his gaze, "and you'll forever be lost in a world of doubt."

"We can… We can work together…" Elizabeth wheezed, arm wrapped around her torso as it was becoming harder to breath, "You and I… You don't have to kill him… You're not… You're not a killing machine…"

This time, Bucky did not look back at her. Instead, he was carefully watching the man, still pressing the blade against his neck. There was a trail of blood rolling down his neck, but Elizabeth forced herself to keep her eyes on Bucky.

"Please, Bucky, don't… Don't do it…" she begged, wincing as she struggled to sit down on the floor. She was doing her best to keep her energy focused on what was happening in front of her. Blood was ringing in her ears, her heart racing against her rib cage. Everything ached, but the pain was what was keeping her awake. "Don't kill him…"

The moment since her appeal to Bucky finally moving resembled to an eternity. However, before anything could be said, Bucky pulled the man's head backwards by grasping his hair. From his lips came Russian words, carrying no meaning to Elizabeth, but the man smirked at what Bucky was saying.

That was when the man surprised them by gritting his teeth hard enough to break one of them. Elizabeth gasped when she realized what was happening while Bucky's eyes actually widened in surprise.

"Hail HYDRA." the man spoke as he swallowed the cyanide pill, and Elizabeth looked away. She refused to look up even after minutes had rolled by, and she heard the body fall onto the floor when Bucky released it.

When Bucky's shadow fell upon her, Elizabeth closed her eyes shut. She felt him kneel down before her, and a chill ran up her spine when the silence was finally broken by a voice. Widening her eyes in surprise, and ignoring the pain that followed such hasty movement, Elizabeth looked past Bucky's figure and stared at the person standing by the door of her apartment.

"Elizabeth?!"

Brown eyes looked back at her, and the biomedical scientist felt all air vanish from her lungs. She vaguely noticed the way Bucky tensed up at the unexpected visitor, her eyes locked with the African-American that had just arrived.

"Sam?"

 **To Be Continued…**


	7. Go Slow As Long As You Do Not Stop

**Disclaimer:** _Depths of Silence_ owns nothing except the unknown characters.

* * *

I want to thank _MissSweetApple28_ , _jn_ , _Doughnutswilderness_ and _tate4eva_ for all of your support. Also, new chapter's up because I just could not handle not posting it anymore.

Oh, one last question; what do you think of the story so far?

* * *

 **Chapter VII**

 _It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop._

– Confucius

The first thing she felt was pain. Her whole body seemed to be burning, her muscles screaming in agony while her lungs actually felt like they were wiping whenever she tried to breathe in. Her throat was nearly set on fire when she tried coughing only to regret it when her spine protested at the movement.

A groan was all she managed to come up with as she struggled to open her eyes.

"Easy there, you took quite the beating."

Elizabeth frowned at the familiar voice, her eyelids still too heavy to cooperate properly. Unconsciously, she tried moving her hand, but pain shooting up her arm stopped her from moving even further. Instead, Elizabeth focused all of her energy into opening her eyes.

The light falling on her face blinded her for a moment, but it disappeared when a familiar face appeared before her eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sam?" Elizabeth cracked out, blinking rapidly. Her mouth was dry, her voice hoarse, "What happened?"

"I was hoping you could tell me," Sam Wilson observed as he straightened up, "As for what happened to you, all I can say is that you have is a bruised face, a couple of broken ribs, a fractured metacarpal and a huge bump on your head. Oh, you also had a wanted criminal in your house. Did you know that?"

A wanted criminal?

"Bucky!" Elizabeth gasped, her eyes widening as she thought about the Winter Soldier. Sam raised an eyebrow at her reaction, and slowly crossed his arms against his chest, "Where is he?"

"Once again, I was kind of hoping you could tell me," the ex-military commented, a serious expression falling on his face. "Do you have any idea of what could have happened to you? Why didn't you tell me he was there? You could have died, Elizabeth! Do you have any idea of how much in danger you were in?"

"Sam, please..."

"Oh no, don't you even start!" Sam interrupted her, without ever raising his voice. "What do you think it felt like for me to get to your home, and find the Winter Soldier hovering over you while two dead guys were lying on your living-room? What the hell were you thinking?"

"He asked for my help..." Elizabeth tried to say, and Sam threw his arms in the air.

"The most wanted man in all United States of America asks for your help, and you just go for it?" he asks in disbelief, "And you take him directly to your house? You don't need me to tell you that wasn't a smart move, Elizabeth. None of it was!"

"I know!" Elizabeth tried to say in a louder voice, but she immediately regretted it. Pain shot from her torso, causing her to wince. A flash of regret appeared in Sam's eyes before it faded away, "I know it wasn't a smart move, I..."

Tears clouded her vision, and Elizabeth gritted her teeth as she fought against the pain. Sam looked at her for a couple of seconds before leaving the room. Closing her eyes, Elizabeth tried to control her breathing, her lungs protesting at each new gasp of air.

It was also then she realized she was sitting upright on the bed. Looking down at her right hand, Elizabeth noticed that a forearm-based splint had been applied and held in place with a loose compressive wrap. She had not even realized she had fractured her metacarpal. It had most likely happened when she had punched that man...

Looking away from her hand, Elizabeth scanned her surroundings. It seemed like she was at a hospital, but if Sam was there, she could not be certain of it. Elizabeth also noticed she was alone, and if Sam had asked her about Bucky then that meant he was not there.

Could it be that he had left?

No, she was certain he had approached her after the second man had committed suicide. She could still feel him close to her, his body emanating power and strength, his hot breathing hitting her cheeks. Elizabeth could remember all that, but she could not remember anything that had happened after Sam showed up on her doorstep.

The door of the room being opened caught her attention, and Elizabeth looked to her side. Sam was walking inside, and he was close followed by a doctor. A third figure also stepped inside, and Elizabeth had to remind herself on how to breathe when she recognized the third man.

"How are you feeling, Miss Holmes?" the doctor asked as he went to her side, and Elizabeth tore her eyes away from the third figure to look at him.

"It hurts to breathe."

"That's understandable. We have scanned you, and you have no fractures or broken ribs, but I would like to do a visual examination if that's alright with you?"

Elizabeth nodded, and the doctor turned around, dismissing both Sam and the other man. In a minute, she was left alone with the doctor, who gently helped her to sit up on the bed, legs sliding down the mattress so that she could face him.

"Let me know what hurts and what doesn't." the doctor told her after putting some gloves on, and once again Elizabeth nodded. It was then that she realized she was still dressed, and slowly tried to take her t-shirt off. The doctor ended up helping her halfway, and even though he obviously tried to be gentle while pressing her ribs, everything still hurt tremendously.

It seemed an eternity until the doctor stepped backwards.

"As I expected, your ribs are merely bruised. However, if your pain does not start to improve within a few weeks then you must seek a doctor." he stated, "For now, I'll be giving you some painkillers. I also advise walking around and moving your shoulders occasionally because that can help with your breathing and help clear any mucus from your lungs."

Elizabeth nodded.

"Carrying out breathing exercises will also help you," the doctor proceeded. "Take 10 slow, deep breaths every hour, and let your lungs inflate fully each time, to help keep your lungs clear. As for your metacarpal fracture, it will heal within three to six weeks. "

"I understand..." Elizabeth reassured him, and the doctor smiled faintly at her.

"May I allow the two gentlemen outside to come see you?" he asked

"Yes, thank you." Elizabeth thanked him, all the while stopping herself from asking if he knew anything about Bucky. With a nod, the doctor made his way out of the room, but left the door open for Sam and the other man to walk inside.

"Elizabeth, this is Steve Rogers." Sam pointed towards the blond man behind him with a thumb as they approached her, "You know him as Captain America. Cap, this is Elizabeth de Carvalho."

"How are you feeling, ma'am?"

"I've been better..." Elizabeth tried to smile at the man's worried expression, "Thank you for asking."

There was a pause, but Elizabeth could sense it in the air. Both Sam and Steve wanted to ask her about James Barnes, but did not seem to know how to given her current condition. Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth fought against her desire to lean against the bed, and did her best to stand.

"I know..." Elizabeth paused, and took a deep breath only to regret it when her ribs screamed in protest. "I know I should say I'm sorry and that I regret not saying anything, but... To be honest, I'm not sorry. The only thing I'm sorry about is the way you ended up finding out what was happening."

Sam threw his arms in the air, right hand falling on the back of his neck. Swiftly, he twirled around while Steve clasped his hands behind his back.

"You don't know this, but we've been trying to find Bucky for a while now." he began, his eyes locked with Elizabeth's. "Sam has actually been following some cold leads related to his disappearance, because we don't want anyone to know about it. Had we known where he was...perhaps we would have been able to avoid some things."

"He didn't cause this," Elizabeth informed them, "He didn't cause any of this. If you're looking for someone to blame, then blame me. I'll take full responsibility—"

"You could have died!" Sam interrupted her, so loudly it caused Elizabeth's heart to give a small somersault, "Do you have any... Damn it, Elizabeth, you could have died! How could you be so careless?"

"Why don't you tell us what happened?" Steve interjected, his eyes now on Sam although Elizabeth knew he was talking to her. After a few seconds, Steve's attention turned to her again as Sam made his way towards the window, "From the beginning."

And she did. Elizabeth told them about spotting Bucky at the cemetery before actually meeting him there. She explained how they eventually went to the Smithsonian, and of how she ended up taking him to her home but left the moment Bucky pretended to shoot her out of her tale. Elizabeth also informed them about their failed trip to Brooklyn, and tried not to notice the way Steve tensed up at that idea. She also mentioned the moment when Bucky had believed they were being followed, and of how they returned back to her place after that incident.

"Every time we talked on the phone over the past few days, and I was worried sick about you being alone, dealing with your mother's passing..." Sam closed his hands into fists as Elizabeth turned to look at him, "You were with him! The whole damn time, you were with him, and you never said anything!"

"It's not like I didn't want to!" Elizabeth protested, her good hand resting against her torso. "You have no idea how many texts I planned on sending you, but every time I looked at him... Sam, he said I was his new mission. He said he needed help with the voices, but he didn't want me to get into any danger."

"Well, we can see how that turned out." Sam scoffed, motioning towards her exhausted posture with a hand. "You should have said something."

"Do you know where he is?" Steve asked all of a sudden, drawing Elizabeth's attention back to him. "Apparently, he jumped out of your window when Sam showed up, and now we can't find him anywhere. Do you have any idea where he may have gone to?"

"I didn't even know I had blanked out," Elizabeth confessed, "I have no idea where he is. I was actually..." Elizabeth paused, and looked down at her bare feet, "He saved my life, and I was hoping he would be here, but if he isn't then I don't know where he might be."

"Was he dangerous?" Steve asked, and for a split of a moment Elizabeth's mind took her back to the cemetery, to the moment when Bucky had pretended to shoot her.

"No, he...he was always on his guard, but he told me he wouldn't hurt me. And he didn't," she quickly added, glancing at Sam, "I was beyond frightened when we met, but I had no idea of who he was at the time. Then he took me to the Smithsonian, and not even then I understood what was going on."

"He told you who he was." Sam pointed out, and Elizabeth rolled her eyes.

"He told me he was a soldier who had supposedly died in 1944. I'm sorry if I thought that was a bit hard to believe in." she retorted, "When he showed me his arm – when I realized he was the Winter Soldier – he promised me he would never hurt me. I was scared out of my mind back then, but there was something about him... He told me I was his mission and I just... He kind of became my mission too."

"I can't listen to this..." Sam hissed before storming out of the room. Elizabeth followed his figure with her eyes until he disappeared into the hallway, and had to stop herself from sighing. Steve also stared at the door for a moment before he focused his attention on Elizabeth once more.

"Does he remember?"

"He has flashes." Elizabeth told him, "He remembers bits and pieces, but none of it makes much sense to him. There was this one time when I showed him a picture of you, pre-serum, and he told me he remembered a brick and a key, but he didn't know why."

There was a moment of silence that was only broken when Steve let out a sigh.

"That happened before the war, after my mother's funeral." he explained, and Elizabeth felt her breath get stuck on her throat, "Bucky was with me the whole time; he even wanted to take me back to his place because he didn't want me to be alone. He has always been my best friend."

"I think he's looking for you," Elizabeth confessed after a while, "He just doesn't know it. He...if the files on the internet are correct, then he spent most of his life being someone else; someone HYDRA created. He sees himself as a killing machine even when I told him the opposite... It's almost as if he doesn't have a place in the world or so he thinks."

Elizabeth paused, and bit her lower lip for a moment.

"Also taking him to Brooklyn... That was my attempt to try and jog some memories, but unfortunately it backfired. It put him under even more stress, and when we got home..." she paused, "I think he needs you, sir. You were best friends; you both suffered traumatic experiences, and you're the only one who understands what he's going through. Bucky... He just doesn't know it yet. He doesn't understand it yet."

Another wave of silence fell upon them, but neither Elizabeth nor Steve broke the eye-contact. Unconsciously, Elizabeth leaned against the bed, her ribs aching, begging for some sort of relief.

"Thank you," Steve eventually said, catching Elizabeth completely off-guard. "Thank you for watching over him, and even though I don't agree with your actions, I understand why you did it. So, thank you for not giving into your fear, and for helping him."

"There's no need to thank me. It's not like I knew what I was doing." Elizabeth confessed, drawing a small smile out of Steve.

"Still, you accepted to help him even after you found out who he was."

"Well, I believe it's not too late for him to turn back," Elizabeth said, "He may not be the Bucky you remember from your childhood, but his humanity is still there. I've seen it, and I'm sure you've seen it too."

"Yeah..." Steve trailed off before nodding, "Thank you for your help. If you ever need anything, let me know."

"Thank you, but I'll be fine." Elizabeth told him, "I just hope Sam finds it in him to forgive me."

"I'm sure he will. Besides, it's not like he can avoid you in this Tower." Steve pointed out, and Elizabeth blinked at that. Steve most likely noticed her confusion, because he quickly continued, "We kind of forgot to tell you we're at the Avengers Tower."

"We are?" Elizabeth gasped, head turning in direction of the windows on her side. Slowly, she made her way towards them, and looked outside. Her mouth dropped when she saw the scenery, "Oh my lord!"

"I guess I should say: welcome to the Avengers Tower," Steve apologized, and Elizabeth looked away from the buildings to gaze at him, "Also, don't worry about Sam. I'll talk to him. I may not know what's going on between the two of you, but Sam's quite forgiving so..."

"Thank you," Elizabeth whispered when Steve trailed off, and the Captain shrugged.

"Just rest. I'll make sure Sam comes back after he calms down." he said before nodding, and Elizabeth watched him leave. Once she was alone, Elizabeth took a small breath, and gazed through the window again.

Slowly, she raised her good hand, and pressed it against the cold glass. Closing her eyes, she tried to bring back to mind everything that had happened. Before she had opened the front door, she had looked in direction of the living-room, and Bucky had not been there. He had been nowhere in sight. Could it be that he had known? No, that made no sense. He certainly would have never allowed her to open the door if he had known.

So, where had he been during that short period of time?

 _I won't let HYDRA get to you. I told you that._

Opening her eyes, Elizabeth felt something warm roll down her cheek as recalled Bucky's promise. Her ribs began to burn as her shoulders shook, her throat tightening as she tried to stop herself from crying. All of a sudden, everything hit her; her mother's passing, Bucky's presence in her life, the beating, Sam. Everything suddenly collapsed on top of her, and everything just hurt.

 _Is that why you went to the cemetery? Were you…looking for something?_

… _I just wanted to find peace. I ended up finding you._

As a sob escaped from her lips, Elizabeth crouched in front of the window, ignoring the way her whole body screamed in pain. Running her good hand through her face, she tried to wipe the tears away, but the more she did so the harder she cried.

Suddenly, it mattered not that she was at the Avengers Tower, and that one of her closest friends was there.

Elizabeth had never felt so alone in her life.

* * *

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" Steve asked as he found his friend in the lounge, a glass of scotch in his hand. Resting an arm on the back of the sofa, Sam took a sip while Steve sat down on the loveseat.

"I don't have to answer that question." Sam told him before taking another sip of his drink, and Steve raised both eyebrows at that. Letting out a sigh, Sam rested the glass on top of his leg, and shook his head.

"She could have died. That's what's wrong," he said, aggravated, "We spoke a lot during these past few days, and she never – not even once – told me what was going on. I always thought she was too tired, too sad, and I blamed myself for not being there for her, but this? This is just freaking ridiculous!"

"She tried to deal with the situation the best she could." Steve pointed out, elbows on his knees, "It wasn't the best idea, and she could have been hurt, but she did what she thought was best."

"She could have been hurt?" Sam repeated, before standing up, "Are you kidding me? Did you actually look at her? She could have died! You didn't see what I saw! Those two men lying dead in the middle of her living-room while the Winter Soldier was right in front of her... No, don't you tell me she dealt with the situation the best she could. She should have known better!"

Sam released a long breath, and Steve stared. Clenching his jaw, Sam raised the glass to his lips, and took one, long sip. Running his fingers through his head, he looked away for a moment before meeting Steve's eyes again.

"You don't understand; I'm supposed to protect her." he declared, his free hand now on his hip, "I'm supposed to be watching over her, and now I find out she has been with the Winter Soldier these past couple of days? And she doesn't even tell me? How the hell am I supposed to help her, to protect her, if I don't even know what's going on in her life?"

"Who is she?" Steve asked all of a sudden, without standing up, and Sam closed his mouth. "I've never seen you this worked up. You're usually quite laid-back and relaxed, even in extreme situations. So, what is this all about? Who is she?"

There was a beat that was only broken when Sam stared down at his glass for a moment. Steve could see that he was trying to gather his thoughts and control his temper. After a while, Sam swallowed dry, and released a sigh.

"You remember the time when I showed you my résumé?" Sam asked, and Steve nodded, "By then, you already knew about Riley, the 58th rescue squadron, and the Khalid Khandil mission."

Once again, Steve nodded, and Sam put his glass down on the table. Then, he crossed his arms against his chest.

"But I guess I never told you Riley had a younger sister, did I?" Sam added, and Steve actually allowed for surprise to appear on his face at those words. Nodding in confirmation, Sam continued, "Want to guess who his sister is?"

"Elizabeth is Riley's sister?" Steve asked, and Sam nodded.

"Yeah, which you probably wouldn't be able to tell because Elizabeth uses her father's last name while Riley used his mother's. Saying Riley Holmes was far easier than saying Riley Holmes de Carvalho." Sam added before shrugging his right shoulder, "Anyway, while Riley joined the 58th rescue squadron, Elizabeth enrolled in the S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Academy of Science and Technology. She's a biomedical scientist."

"... I wasn't expecting that." Steve confessed, and Sam nodded.

"Elizabeth went to some of the meetings from the support group after Riley passed away, which probably helped her dealing with Bucky." he commented, "And I'm sorry if I overreacted, but I promised Riley I'd look after his sister no matter what happened, and to find her like this..."

"No need to apologize. I understand," Steve told him before standing up as well. "What matters is that she's here, and now you can keep an eye on her. I'm going to try to find Bucky."

"No way I'm going to let you do this on your own," Sam interjected, shaking his head as he spoke, "I'm going to help you. Besides, I need some answers."

"What you need is to go see your best friend's sister." Steve intervened, "Let me worry about Bucky for now. Besides, she might remember something else, and she'll undoubtedly want to tell you about it."

"Thanks, man." Sam thanked Steve with a smile, and the Captain patted him on the shoulder.

"No problem. What are friends for?"

Resting a hand on Steve's shoulder, Sam gave it a squeeze before making his way out of the lounge. When he was finally alone, Steve crossed his arms against his chest, and cleared his throat. Elizabeth's voice echoed in his mind as he thought about what she had told them.

Bucky was out there, searching for answers.

It was time for Steve to help him.

 **To Be Continued…**

 **Authoress Note:** So, what did you think of the latest plot twist?


	8. Never Late To Be What You Have Been

**Disclaimer:** _Depths of Silence_ owns nothing except the unknown characters.

* * *

I want to _tate4eva_ , _MissSweetApple28_ , _Gues_ t, _writersarereaders_ , _Danny Almeida_ , _fanheartfiction_ and _LovelyFandomLover_ for your constant support and help. I hope everyone enjoys this new chapter!

* * *

 **Chapter VIII**

 _It is never too late to be what you might have been._

– George Elliot

The sun was blazing, but his muscles were contracting as if he was cold. His hands were clenched tightly, his eyes blinking quickly as he struggled to stay focused. He could hear his breathing in his ears, and he could feel his heart in his throat.

Screams were echoing in his mind. Some voices begged, others wept, but all of them seemed to pray for the same relief that simply did not come. There were no voices in those perplexed memories; there was just pain, blood, horror…

It haunted him.

It mocked him.

 _Sergeant Barnes… The procedure has already started. You are the new fist of HYDRA!_

Bucky felt his heartbeat increase tenfold.

 _I'm not gonna fight you. You're my friend._

His eyes closed tightly, his jaw aching from the way he was gritting his teeth.

 _Your new mission is Odessa._

An explosion of pain erupted from the back of his head.

 _Bucky, you've known me your entire life. Your name is James Buchanan Barnes…_

Faded memories pressed his mind, causing a small roar of pain to escape from Bucky's lips.

 _My name is Elizabeth Holmes de Carvalho, biomedical scientist. Apparently, my latest job involves working directly with the Winter Soldier._

Bucky's eyes snapped open at the female voice.

The wind blew, kissing his cheeks, pushing his hair away from his face. Silence surrounded him, and his soul took a deep breath in. Tension was still lingering in his muscles, but as minutes rolled by, it became easier to think.

Graves looked back at him as Bucky scanned the area in front of him. For some reason, being there brought him a sense of peace and tranquility. Perhaps it was because he felt like he belonged there.

With a sigh, Bucky looked down at his hands. For a moment, he studied his right hand, the way his veins contrasted greatly with the paleness of his skin, and the callous in his palm. Then, he examined his left hand, closing it into a tight fist. He heard his whole body hiss at the movement, the mechanical part of his limb singing as it moved.

Slowly, he remembered the moment when he had stood at the Smithsonian all by himself. His whole life had been dictated by a computer displayed for everyone to see. Also, every single file about him could be found on the internet in a way he had never thought possible.

However, it was not as if he could blame those who were after him. Bucky was positive that HYDRA was only a small part of a community that could be interested in hunting him down. That had been one of the reasons why he had decided to leave Elizabeth. What he had never expected was for HYDRA to appear on her doorstep.

Bucky could still remember the way her scream had reached his ears, and of how he had reacted to it.

As images of Elizabeth being held at gunpoint by a HYDRA agent flashed in his mind, Bucky closed both his hands into tight fists. He should have known better than to rely on a civilian to help him. He should have known better when he had decided to walk away from the only person who apparently held all the answers he was looking for.

Still, it was too late to go back now. He could not – he would not – risk anyone else's life during his search for his own identity.

 _You're from Brooklyn._

 _I am?_

 _That's what your_ _biography at the Smithsonian said._ _We can always go there, if you'd like._

Brooklyn…

As he stared at the grave right in front of him, Bucky took a deep breath. He knew he needed to do something. He could not hide, and he certainly did not want to spend his life on the run. His ghosts would forever haunt him, taunt him even, but Bucky knew he still needed to do something.

He just needed to figure out what.

 _My mother believed in second chances. So do I._ _Besides, n_ _o matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, you can always turn back._

Did he truly deserve a second chance? Bucky could not help but doubt it. He had, after all, hunted so many, killed so many. It mattered not if they were truly guilty or not, he had so much blood on his hands it would be unattainable for him to ever find true redemption.

He was unworthy.

However, Elizabeth's face appeared on his mind, and Bucky clenched his jaw. She had tried so hard to help him; she had done so much to try to keep him safe… If he gave up without a fight, then he would be giving zero to no value to her efforts.

However, the question remained; what could he do?

 _Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country._

Steven Rogers…

Bucky observed the cemetery as the voice he had heard at the Smithsonian echoed in his ears. Elizabeth had spoken about Steven Rogers more than once, and Bucky knew the two of them were supposed to be friends. However, Bucky could distinctly remember he had tried to kill the man before.

Bucky started down at his hands again. He did not know what to believe in anymore. Everything Elizabeth had told him indicated that he was Steve's friend. However, the memories he had from his missions told him Steve was not worthy of trust.

 _Bucky?_

The Winter Soldier snapped from his daze as Steve's voice echoed in his ears. He could still remember the way that name had been uttered, the shock and surprised on the Captain's face. Although his memories and thoughts were a haze, Bucky still felt deep down that such expression could not be counterfeited.

However, the question still remained.

What could he do?

As he took a deep breath, Bucky stood up from the ground, and looked around the graveyard. Without thinking about where he was going, Bucky found himself wandering around, his eyes silently taking in his surroundings. The peacefulness of that place managed to calm his racing heart, but his mind was still a mess.

After a few minutes simply walking around, Bucky's eyes landed on a particular grave, and he stopped. The name _Grace Holmes_ looked back at him, and Bucky tilted his head to the side. He had found Elizabeth on that particular spot, and he quickly understood whose grave he was looking at.

 _You went to a funeral?_

 _Yeah, my mother's._ _She was sick for half a year. Cancer. I stayed with her throughout the whole process, which is why I told you I'm not working for anyone at the moment. I asked for a leave of absence so that I could take care of her._

Bucky clenched his jaw, his hands closing into fists as Elizabeth's voice tickled his ears once more. Images of her being held at gunpoint appeared in his mind one more time, causing Bucky to narrow his eyes slightly in anger.

Elizabeth was his new mission. No matter what, one small part of him felt like he owed her something.

"I'll do it." Bucky heard himself say as he continued staring at the grave, and after a quick nod he turned around, and walked away.

* * *

"May I come in?"

Elizabeth snapped from her daydream at the voice, her eyes slipping away from the window to look at the door. A lump appeared on her throat when her eyes landed on Sam's familiar face, her heartbeat slowly escalating with uneasiness. Swallowing dry, Elizabeth nodded while inwardly hoping there were no trails of tears on her face.

Immediately, though perhaps a little too slowly, Sam made his way towards the bed. Elizabeth tried to ignore the way his eyes seemed to study her bruised face before looking away. Instead, she ran the tip of her tongue over her dry lips, and tried to make herself as comfortable as possible.

"Look, I wanted to apologize for my behavior this morning. It wasn't the right time for me to blow up like that." Sam began, and Elizabeth shook her head. However, before she could speak up, Sam stuck a hand in the air. "However, you have to understand why I reacted that way. You kept a wanted criminal in your house for days and you didn't tell me anything."

"I know, and I'm sorry for that, but I just didn't know what to say." Elizabeth tried to apologize, ignoring the way the pain on her ribs flared at each word. "I just had to help him, Sam. Believe me when I say I had no idea of who he was until I took him home, and then… And then I just couldn't leave him alone."

"I wish I could say I understand why you did what you did…" Sam trailed off as he released a long breath, "But I'd be lying, and you'd know. I was one phone call away. I would've gotten there as fast as I could. Still you decided to keep everything a secret, and now here we are; you completely beaten up, and I'm pretty sure Riley would be kicking my butt for letting it happen."

"No, he wouldn't. If anything, he'd be lecturing me." Elizabeth corrected him, lightly shaking her lead, "Besides, you didn't let anything happen. You didn't even know what was going on."

There was a pause. Unconsciously, Elizabeth wrapped an arm around her waist. Sam silently took in her actions before he decided to sit down on the bed.

"I'm sorry." Sam eventually said, and he saw Elizabeth swallow dry before shaking her head once more. Squeezing her knee, he continued. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most."

Elizabeth felt her nose burn, her eyes watering rapidly. She tried to breathe deeply, her lungs burning, but tears soon began rolling down her cheeks. Raising her good hand to her face, Elizabeth tried to hold back her sobs only to fail horribly. That was when Sam stood up before sitting down next to her, gently wrapping an arm around Elizabeth's shoulders, gently pulling her to him.

Elizabeth felt her heart break as she held Sam as strongly as she could. Scorching tears cascaded down her face, her whole body aching as pain burst from her chest and rolled down her body in gigantic waves.

"It hurts, Sam…" Elizabeth sobbed, face pressed against Sam's shoulder.

"I'm here now." The Falcon reassured her with a kiss on top of her head, his fingers playing with her hair. "I've got your back."

"I'm sorry…" Elizabeth sniffled, "You should've seen him, Sam… I know who he is, but… He was so lost, and so confused… I just… I just…"

"Yeah, I know, you just had to help him." Sam sighed, still holding her face to his chest. That was when Elizabeth heard someone walk in. Closing her eyes for a second, she pulled away from Sam, and noticed Steve was standing by the door.

Immediately, she tried wiping her tears away. Sam actually dared to chuckle at her actions despite the atmosphere that had been hovering over them up until that moment.

"I'm sorry for interrupting, but I have to ask Elizabeth a question." the Captain said as he walked inside. The doctor immediately stopped her actions, dropping her hand at his words. "You said your first encounter with Bucky was at a cemetery. Can you tell me which one?"

Elizabeth tried not to shake at the way Steve asked her that.

"You think he might be there?" she asked back, and the Captain crossed his arms against his chest. For a split of a second, Elizabeth saw Riley on the same spot as Steve, on the exact same position. That memory brought a poignant smile to her lips.

"I think it's worth a try." Steve told her, before pausing. "Why? Do you have a better idea?"

"I don't know about her, but I still want to go with you." Sam spoke all of a sudden, and Elizabeth glanced at him before focusing her attention on Steve again. She took in the way Steve's face became somber, and licked her lips in nervousness.

"That might be a good idea." she heard herself say, causing both Sam and Steve to look at her. "I-I mean, you said you've been trying to find James for a while. I guess that means all help is needed."

"Sam and I have already talked about this, and he's going to stay with you."

Elizabeth looked from Steve to Sam, whose eyes were still locked with the Captain's. Unconsciously, she ran the back of her hand through her right cheek, slowly straightening up on the bed as she did. Pain ran up her spine, but Elizabeth did her best to hold back her wince.

"Perhaps now it's a good time to tell you I'm a crappy patient. Sam would strangle me in a matter of minutes." Elizabeth said, "After everything that has happened, I'd rather not put my best friend through this sort of torture. I'm pretty sure I'll be safer without him around."

"Oh, now you're just being mean." Sam said, hand to the chest as if Elizabeth had just physically wounded him. Then, he turned to Steve, "I can always help you from inside the Tower. I'm no hacker, but I'm sure I can look for some surveillance footage. And I can always bring the laptop to this very room."

"You should be focusing on her," Steve stressed his idea, his eyes slipping in Elizabeth's direction. The brunette actually rolled her eyes at that.

"Listen, I'll tell you the name of the cemetery and Sam's going with you." she told him, "If we're going to debate on who's going to look after me – since, apparently, I need a babysitter – I have the perfect candidate."

"Oh really?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow at same time he crossed his arms against his chest. "And may I know who?"

Elizabeth tried not to smile.

"Sharon Carter."

 **To Be Continued…**


End file.
